Sunday, October 18, 2009

Its not about a solution its about acceptance...

I think many times
when someone finds them selves
and it was NOT what they had planned for their lives..
When is it??
They want a solution!
a fix!
They want it to get better...
and deep down they want something to change!

I went looking for that change..
I was not passive..
I was sure and confident
that there was a SOLUTION...
This could not be the destination of my life!!
and as I have shared..
my solution was my down fall!

And so I now have come to understand...
the vital step
in moving forward,
is not looking for a change,
or waiting for the next stage in your life.
Instead its accepting,
the now!
The new place you are..
and the place you may always be!!
A single person! a single-again person!

facing all the things
that in the past you did as a 'couple'..
now movies, dinners, church, reunions,
you are doing those things alone!
And the thing is..
thats OK!
Not only is it OK...
its fun!
Its a time to rediscover who you are,
a time to heal and grow!
its also a time to hurt and mourn...
and then little by little to let go
of what was..
and embrace what is!
It does not happen overnight...
Nor, do I believe it will happen on its own..
BUT it will happen!!
And the time you put into YOU..
will pay off..
when YOU are healthy and WHOLE..
and YOU get to choose to move on alone..
or move on open to the idea of another!
BUT either way YOU choose!
and either way YOU are OK!


  1. Very wise words, Deb. I think every woman should learn how to be alone. I think of women who have been married for 40 or 50 years and find themselves widowed. Or women who never marry. Or women who are divorced. Do you postpone happiness until you find that special someone or do you learn to enjoy the gift of life and the special gifts of independence that only occur during singlehood? Singlehood is a season. A short season for some and a longer season for others but it doesn't have to be any less enjoyable than the season of couplehood. It's not a period of time to "get through" but a period to learn to love and accept who you are. And you're doing just that! I am SO proud of you!!

  2. I love reading your realizations! I know how hard won they've been. You're an inspiration! xo