Saturday, October 31, 2009

importance of learning who you are...

Time alone after a divorce is VITAL!
I can say this NOT because I am so smart
and insightful..
but because I did it all wrong the first go round!

The time alone..takes time...!
When the divorce first happens
you are alone...
but you do not want to be there!
You do not want to be alone,
and the loneliness is consuming!
Then you reach a place
when you are still alone
but long for company!
You are not just lonely,
you are needy!
You wish you had someone
to love you and hold you..
you wish that you were not doing
all the things you are doing
so your alone time
is not peaceful..
it is sad and resentful...
then you reach a place
when you are alone..
and you are glad you are alone!
When you are alone,
you may miss people..
or even a loved one..
you may feel lonely at times,
BUT you enjoy the time you have!
you look for things to do ALONE..
you think..
you learn..
you grow...
THIS is when you heal!
When you have been alone long enough
to stop wishing you were not alone..
and instead accept and embrace the reality of what being alone is!
However, you cannot get here without going through
all the other steps!
and if you jump ship during one of the stages..
and find someone to fill the void
during the lonely times,
you will never reach the place of healing,
that allows you to
with an open heart
mind and soul
accept that maybe you are ready
to allow someone back in...
and maybe you are not!
But, either way
you will never again
want to NOT have time alone...
its a wonderful thing!


  1. Hi Debbie, I am in the healing process right now, learning more about myself, what I need to grow as a person and as a mum. I don't think I have the time for another to come into my life. I am not done with myself as yet. Thank you for this post, I was feeling good being alone, but thot I was being self-centred. Blessings

  2. good for you! the hardest part is learning to be alone..the next hardest is letting go of the guilt! I am learning that guilt plays a huge place in this process!!

  3. Time alone is a wonderful thing... I love how it has allowed me to grow as a parent and helped me find the real me.

  4. I could not agree more.
    Unfortunately, I have done the opposite my whole life which is why I keep having crap relationships. I am going to do it differently this time.

  5. me too Danielle , me too!! Great to see you Coachdad!!