Monday, October 19, 2009

sometimes you climb the wall....

and sometimes you are buried underneath it....
One of my children is sick....
she is my youngest
and she has the flu.
She is not the first to be sick,
my oldest had the bug,
and now she has it!
But it has hit her hardest!

Like most single moms...
I work because I must..
I work to pay the bills..
I work to support my family...
and time off is not a viable option.
I also teach,
which means so much more depends on me being there,
then just my co-workers...
my little charges need me too.
Needless to say,
time off or not is not a light choice..
in addition there is that small matter of paying the bills..!
BUT my child is sick!!

I have discovered the heartbreak
of needing to be in two places...
of knowing that whichever you do
the other will suffer...
the heart break of a choice
in which there is no winner...

I am luckier then most..
my oldest was able to come with me to work..
to a separate place from where I was..
but near by..
even that caused discourse in my soul,
as I would have rather been with her completely!
BUT, was an option I was grateful for..
my youngest will be with family.
A better option then anything else..
she will be able to rest and in loving arms,
so why does my heart break??
because I cannot be the one to comfort her..
I cannot be the one to cool her forehead,
or check her temp or play nurse...
Instead I must be the one who shows her
that strength as a mother
is when you do not what you want,
but what you must,
for the sake of those you love so much!!!
and yet, this love, this need to do what I must..
right at this moment
is breaking my heart!


  1. I'm so sorry..and I know you used to be a SAHM and when you made that choice it was to avoid this stuff...and now you've been sort of forced by needs into a way you wouldn't have chosen...this is when it's the hardest isn't it?

    But all will be well. I find I can do anything..until a baby gets sick. Then I'm completely wrapped up in that until they are well again.

    Take care

  2. thanks Breeze! yes, this is a whole different ball game for me! I realize now how I took for granted things I saw as being the only way there was! we live and learn..huh???:)

  3. I am a single mum, but I still have the support of my mum and dad to watch over my only son. I can understand your frustration, the need to be with your loved ones, and yet you cannot. When I am at work and my boy wants me to be home early, I feel that I have let him down when I am late. Yet I am doing what I must not what I want. Doing it with great pains. Bless you.