so.....here we are again...

This has been one of those weeks.
emotionally this week I am shot..

counting this week,
2 more weeks of work.
Then the school I love closes.
This makes a tough enviroment for all..
Sadness, lethargy, worries, stress all abound
among co-workers,parents and kids..!

This has carried over into my heart and home,
I feel like I am walking under water.
I just need to some how get my head out
and get a breath!!
Breathe..breathe..breathe...

I face it quietly.
I express the stress ,
and I deal with the here and now,
but there is a silence in my sorrow.
A muteness in my heart.

A friend shared with me today
that when she speaks to her husband,
he tells her how much he loves her!
He is on her side.
He is her greatest advocate.
I have seen it!
It's real!
Why does that hurt my heart?

Someone to listen?
Someone to HEAR!
Someone who might wonder through out the day
how its going with ME!
I have almost begun to forget what that feels like...
and some times I wonder if I have ever really known.
How can you miss something
you do not even know if you had?

But, this week...
I do.
I face the chaos,
and the sadness,
and the 'end' of what was
without 'sureness' of what shall be;
and I miss not what I had..
but what I hope to have, one day, instead!

Then again,
as I face yet another struggle..
and I climb yet another hill..
maybe all I miss is a solid path.
And that in and of itself is an illusion.

Another week,
another battle.
BUT in the end,
another lesson..
another opportunity to be more then I expect,
and overcome more then I believe possible.

another road,
that will lead me to a place
where I shall stop, and rest and reflect,
And I hope what I see is;
strength with tears,
peace with purpose,
achievement with flaws,
openess with hurts.

I hope to see the person I am;
flaws, failures, fears AND all,
still walking foreward....
still traveling...
still Hopeing..
and most of all STILL believing
in the power of what can be
versus the hurtful presence of what never was!