Its that time again..
the time I remember where I was
on this date...
20 months ago!
For the first year;
on this date
The feelings all came back!
The fear, the anxiety, the loneliness....
The internal struggle that night brought.
The darkness that I felt in my soul.
The emptiness that reached beyond
the air around me,
and into my very cells.
I felt it all as if it was still happening,
still fresh, still raw!
The next 6 months
while not as vivid I could still remember details,
I could still go back in my mind.
I could still see the anger and hear the words,
I could still recall the way my heart was beating.
These past few months
I have come to see
that the fear is gone.
The anxiety non-existent.
and the details?
such distant memories
they are hard to access.
Running away that night
was the hardest thing I have ever done!!
There was a time
I believed I would carry that forever.
That unlike the other scars on my heart,
I would never be truly healed.
I was wrong!
Its not a cliche..
not when it comes to broken hearts.
This past 20 months has not looked exactly as I expected.
But, every moment has been worth
every moment has been worth
finding strength I never knew I possessed.
Happy 20 months of breathing easy 'to me'...
While the memories may fade
may I never forget
what trading my freedom felt like!
May I never return to the place
that steals dignity and exacts a price
to high to pay.