Wednesday, July 7, 2010

what I fear most...

This week I am on vacation with my children.
Today we spent a few hours horse riding,
last night we went go carting!
We have done a movie
and the pool.
We shall end our time
at the beach.
Its been great!

But, it has helped me to realize
why I resist a relationship.
I no longer fear someone trying to control me.
I am stronger then that!
I fear and resist someone
trying to influence and control my family!

I have blogged about my lack of a dating life,
but will admit interest has been shown..
but I RUN!

I was speaking with a friend recently
about a man I had chatted with.
I told my friend that I knew I was incompatible
with this person I spoke with for..
all of 15 minutes..:)
When I was pushed as to why?
I could come up with very little;
other then the fact that our children were different
from what I could tell!

It has ONLY been this week
that I have understood why that was an issue for me.
I envision having to change how I do things-
I cringe when I remember how I allowed that before!

I think now that I see it,
and know it..
I might not have to run from it!

If I a strong enough not to be controlled,
then I am strong enough to protect my children also!
often I fear what I do not understand.
This makes sense to me;
therefore I can face it, own it
and move on from it!

It does not mean I shall date yet;
it just means I will not base my objection
solely of how we vacation with our children,
or who watches what on TV!
Understanding my role is pivotal!
My children do not need a father- they have one.
and I, as the mother,
the sole parent when they are with me;
will always maintain the final authority
when it comes to my children!
End of story-
as it should be!

And now I can move on
to the next fear-
having conquered this one!:)


  1. Hang in there. When the time is ready, you'll know.

    And so glad you had such a great vacation with your kids! :)

  2. What a great vacation it seems to be. It is in those moments of relaxation that we reflect on our happiness and the unhappiness we don't want to see again.

  3. AWESOME!!! So glad you're having a spectacular and enlightening vacation ... sounds perfect!

  4. Glad you are enjoying this time with your children......when you least expect to meet someone he shows up and you will know if he fits in with your family or not......:-) Hugs

  5. i am in understanding on some of you sayings stated in this post. I am however TOTALLY turned off by guyz. I just don't try at all. *smile* I like who I am since going thru this trial and like you.....i dont wanna hafta make changez to ma lifestyle. O well, like the first commentor stated "when you are ready, you will know" *smile*

  6. I know the feeling. I love being in charge in my single parent house. I don't want or need a woman upsetting the relationships I have with my kids, and the balance we've created on our own. Have fun on vacation!

  7. Isn't it funny how there's always a new fear waiting to take the place of the one you've just mastered?

    I am vigilant about my kids. My mother married a monstrous man after her divorce and I would NEVER subject my own kids to that.

  8. I loved this post. I have to say that I was in the same boat. I was with my children for 5 years before remarrying. But, truth be told, nothing has changed. I am still the single parent and we are still a family, just now we have one extra. Don't be afraid. Thanks for stopping by and the follow and I am ABSOLUTELY following you back!

  9. Enjoy your vacation! Found your blog via FF! So glad I did! I've loved reading your posts! Off to add you to my reader now...
    Happy Friday to you! Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

  10. You will date when you are ready. Your fear is natural. You have a new follower from Friday Follow! Come visit me at Mama's Little Chick.

    Mama Hen

  11. I can so relate to this! I don't date either and tend to throw up all sorts of "I'm not interested" signals without realizing it. I'd like to for the companionship, but at the same time, I like not having to answer to anyone!

    Thanks for following Single Mom in the South...About to follow you back!