Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I am so not what I was...

sometimes I have to look really hard
to find the mother I used to be!!

I am not a bad mother.
I might be a good mother.
But, I am not at all the mother I was.

I am not sure that's a bad thing!
But, sometimes I do not know.

I was looking through blogs the other day,
several years ago
the blogs I would have followed
and read for hours,
would have been the 'mother' blogs.
Not now.
Why is that?

I looked around a friends home recently,
the art work hanging,
the home filled with achievements
and pictures..
That is not my home!
My home is kid friendly!
a family home.
But, the children do not dominate the space.

If I had to describe it..
its almost like
we are a unit.
Each of us holds a place in our home.
Each must play a part to make it happen.
None of us take center stage.
I am the mother.
They are the children.
But, we are surviving!
We are finding our footing
and working hard at this game called life.

and I?
I am no longer just a mother!
sometimes I miss that!
sometimes I wonder
if I have missed out on the simplicity of what was.

But, even if I wanted to be with my children
every single moment of the day..
(which I loved to do)
I cannot!
they are with their dad weekly.
This is a reality!
even if I wanted to spend my nights
playing games, and reading stories
and playing ball in the park,
I cannot!
I would burn out!
It is too much!

I now see and understand
that I am a mother!
But, I am also a person!
I have many roles to balance,
and as a single mom
every function in the home
is mine to oversee!

I hope that they will remember
the time that being a mom
was my very essence..
but then again
I some times wonder
if that is the legacy I want to leave?

Life after upheaval leaves
you questioning all you knew.
and at the very least
you come away
sure that nothing is black and white!
and sometimes what seems right
can, looking back, seem so wrong!
and sometimes the life you are living now
that can feel so out of sync...
can prove to be exactly where you are meant to be!

16 comments:

  1. To tell you the truth, mommy blogs usually bore me. It just seems so one-dimensional. I think you can be a great mother without that being all of who you are. Life bends you, shapes you, adds layers and nuances. That's a good thing.

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  2. ah Debbie I think you are a wonderful mother, always thinking about your kids, what is right or wrong for them.....but you are right you are an individual who I feel must be happy before you can make anyone else happy. So be happy my young friend, share your happiness and smile and I promise you life will not only bet better but will be better. Life is good but my money is on you making it better....Hugs

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  3. I think you are the most 'real' Mummy blogger that I know. Perfection should be kept for Mary Poppins only... You are doing a great job :0)

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  4. I was having lunch with a friend..we are both divorced and we were just having this talk. How we get burnt out being the single parent and need the break to keep going.

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  5. I know what you mean. I'm definitely more than just a single dad. I have my kids half-time, so I have built-in breaks. I love being a dad, but I'm more than just my kids' father.

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  6. This post is so well-written! I think no matter if you're single, married or divorced, it's an odd feeling to try to figure out who you are after you become a parent. You're doing the best you can and that's all that matters!

    Thanks so much for joining us for Friendly Friday! Have a great weekend!

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  7. Life is like that...Things change. You are a super Mom! Being single and raising kids is SOOOOOO hard. My Mom is divorced and raised 3 kids on her own. It was hard. But she is the best Mom in the world to me :)
    Come say hi and follow me back :)
    Happy new friend Friday.
    Frenchy

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  8. Hello i also host a friday blog hop! Feel free to add yourself to the list any time! Im your newest follower!

    Have a wonderful Friday!

    xoxox
    Lo
    http://22yroldhousewife.blogspot.com/

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  9. I am following you now thanks to Friendly Friday! It would be nice if you could share back the love on my blog! Also for more blog-handy tips check Technical Support! Happy Friday!

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  10. Hey there! Visiting from New Friend Fridays at The Girl Creative. I am SO glad I found your site! I, too, am a single mom who spends every other week alone. I've been doing this for six years now, and have made it through where you are. Hope you can catch my blog!

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  11. Stopped by cuz you're next to me on the Follow Friday blog hop. I was once a single mom of two and found that time to be WONDERFUL in what I learned about myself and the time that my children and I lived in peace! You're building character each and every day!

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  12. I'm a new follower from New Friend Fridays! I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    http://www.ingenuemom.com

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  13. I’m following you now on New Friend Friday! Please follow me back on my blog “Inspire!”

    Ron

    http://inspiredbyron.blogspot.com/

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  14. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I was divorced. At least I would get a break every other weekend and on Wednesdays. But I know it would be very difficult in many ways, too.

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  15. I love it. Thanks for posting this.

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  16. Gosh your posts still break my heart Deb. Love you!

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