Sunday, February 27, 2011

The art of being alone...

Learning to be alone
has been a process...
it has taken work..
The end result
is not in the enjoyment
of being alone,
but instead
in the ability to be alone.

Over 2 years ago,
I started the process
of learning how
to be alone.

I had never been on my own.
I left my parents home
and married,
over 14 years later;
I left my marriage home
and when back to my parents..
I left my parents
home once again
to marry into a nightmare.
when I left that
I found myself
35 and alone for the first time,

The first year...
I took on the task.
I stayed BUSY, oh so busy!
I learned to be busy....
I went to the beach and on vacations...
I went to movies,
I shopped,
I ran...
I was never home
and I was always alone..
(if the kids were not with me.)

It was hard!
I cried a lot...
and then I learned to enjoy
the flea markets
and parks..
I learned how to enjoy
being busy alone.

And then...
My car broke down!
No car for 5 weeks
meant learning how
to be alone
And I did...
I learned to love
the silence of my home,
house work..
hanging out with my pets!
I liked being alone.
Almost too much...
I seemed to hibernate;
safe in the walls of my home.

And then...
I started going out with friends...
I became more social again..
I started living once more
and began dating.
I still loved being alone...
but, I enjoyed the time
I had with others...

And now...
I no longer choose
to be alone
over being with others!
In fact,
today I had a whole day alone,
and there were moments
when I wished
I had company!
This is actually a good sign,
a new season...
a season in which
I can be alone,
but, I can enjoy being with others!

I have found myself,
and in the process
found many friends
I enjoy spending time with!
I have worked hard
to know
that I do not need another's company,
so maybe now..
I can stop working so hard
to be alone,
and instead
begin to let others in;
knowing that no matter
I will never be anything
other then I am..
a woman who has learned
to live and let go,
a woman
ready to live
and maybe...
let in!


  1. Funny how different we can be thanks to where we are in our lives. With three sons still at home and a hubby, I look forward to the days I can have the house to myself. I don't want to live this way all the time, but do enjoy it when it happens which is rarely.

  2. I like some time alone, but also treasure the company of friends.

  3. Life is full of interesting cycles. It sounds like you and I are in kind of the same place (the "maybe ... let in!" spot). Hope all works out well for both of us :-)

  4. It is a process isn't it Debbie. I am working at the letting back in too.