Friday, February 11, 2011

How close is too close...

So how close to the 'X'
is too close?

As I see the different ways
different divorced couples,
do this 'thing'...
I wonder;
whats ideal?

I know many who do not
talk at all..
I know some that live
really close to one another...
I know some that are best friends...

I understand its up to the couple,
but is there more to it
then that?

My 'X' and I are definitely
a good 'divorced' couple.
There is a line in the movie
It's complicated;
"thats the sweetest divorced couple I have ever seen."..
some times that's us!
sure- at moments not so much!
But MOST often we are 'good'!

I buy him Christmas presents,
he brings me coffee when
he drops the kids at school.
We talk about the kids..
We can make small talk about life,
and when the need arises
we can talk on a deeper level!

we both keep up walls.
Not against each other,
but instead for ourselves.
He is in a relationship!
I hope to be one day.
Nothing in our relationship
threatens that!
We do not hug hello or good bye...
we do not share intimate secrets,
he does not discuss his love life with me..
and if I had one (ha!)
I would keep it to myself!

But, at one time
we knew each other better then anyone else..
at one time
we were each others
best friend..
at one time
we were in love...
where is the balance now?
what should it be?

When he walks in to my home,
we chat at the door!
He is welcome
but respectful.
The same when I am at his home..
we do not hang out on the couch..
yet, we do not make the other feel
like they should not be there!
A tight rope..
one on which we tread carefully..

We seem to have found what works
for us..
most of the time!
the majority of who we are
seems healthy and whole.

While I can only speak for myself..
I can look forward and know
that when I do move on,
the man I might meet
will probably have an 'x'..
and that relationship will matter
to me!

I hope they are friendly..
but I hope not TOO close!
I hope they are kind
to one another..
but have boundaries!
I hope as 'they' forge ahead now
they set the pace
for what is to come!
and I am thankful
that in my own 'X' relationship
we have found compassionate walls,
and inclusive boundaries!
We have found
and we have found 'good'...


  1. For the sake of the kids, I think it's never a bad thing to have a good relationship with your ex. My ex and I do okay, even though, like you, we do have our moments. We live just three blocks away from one another, and are in contact about one thing or another pretty much every single day. It's good to have a partner in parenting, even if we're not married anymore.

  2. 'Tis good you have this mutual respect and kindness for one another. Good for you and for the kids! I know it wasn't easy to get to that place!

  3. I think its ideal, especially if you have kids, to have a good relationship with the ex. But not to be enmeshed. I've got a pretty good relationship with mine but I do wonder if his impending re-marriage will shift that some.

  4. My STB ex are very good friends now that we don't have a "relationship". Our niche is being friends and it is enjoyable. It haas to be since we work together.