finding my footing...or at least my chaos...

wow!
what a ride this is!
Its amazing what happens when life throws you a curve...
you spend time just adjusting to the idea..
then the reality...
then you grieve the change...
then you have to figure out how to live
within your new circumstances..
all while reeling from an emotional blow..

its no wonder it can feel like being sucked into a dark hole..

and yet at some point
you start to see light filtering in,
and then you realize that you are still adjusting
but no longer grieving..
and then you begin to see that you have accepted and embraced where you are,
now, you are just trying to make the most of the life you are living...

and at some point you realize
you are normal!
You are busy like everyone else..
you are stressed like everyone else...
you worry sometimes like everyone else...
you need a break like everyone else...

BUT no longer are you emotionally in pain,
no longer is your heart so shattered it hurts to breathe...
no longer do you fear your future alone..

this is you!
You are where you want to be..
but now you, like everyone else, want to figure out what that looks like!!

I am there..
I am busy..and tired..and unbalanced in the demands on my time..
but I am finding my footing!
This weekend held normal chaos..
and thats what I am realising;
after many, many, many months
of brokeness...
my life is now chaos!!
BUT good, happy, work to hard, sleep to little, want more time with the kids..
want less time with the kids..:) chaos!!
For me this is one of the steps in recovery..
grief, anger, acceptance....then CHAOS!! yay!:)