panic to peace...that easy????

PEACE!!!!!
Its what I have...
what I feel..
After 6 months of wondering and worrying..
After almost 3 years of turmoil...
the answers to the questions are here.
I have a job...
I have a home...
I am OK!
And it brings peace,
BUT, Not as completely as I expected!
After living in panic mode for so long..
and being in survival gear...
how do you learn to let down the walls of fear
that have protected you..
at least they felt protective!
How does your mind catch up
with your reality??
I am so happy!
Really I am!
I walk into this space that is mine...
and I am so glad to be here!
It is surreal...
It is different setting up home alone...
but it feels good! and right!
So, its is not about an emotion...
it is more a state of being...
Like the tenseness in my being
is not yet ready to release..
because I am not sure what the signal
might be...
Not sure how to tell my heart...
its OK!
You can relax!
And yet I know..
its only a matter of time..
A matter of reality sinking in,
before the peace that I feel on the surface
permeates each cell of my being..
and I realise and truelly BELIEVE
that it is well!!
It truelly truelly is well!