Wednesday, June 24, 2009

hitting me all wrong...

for the most part
I have a pretty good perspective
on my life!
There are sad moments
and strong moments..
and each day is better...
BUT for some reason
I am struggling with something
that I am not sure should bother
My ex-husband (1st one..hubby of 15 years)
is going on a cruise with his girlfriend...
and it bothers me!
NOW they have been together 3 years..
we have been divorced 2 and 1/2..
its been a while for both circumstances..
and they have taken trips before
I guess!
BUT this..
well, this just causes a lump in my throat!!
All I can think
is that is because
1) he never planned things with zeal that involved me..
yet in this the excitement is plain..the relationship they share..
is so different.. the person she is, is so different...and they way they live..
is so different..and once in a while...just for a moment..I compare!
The FUN time she will be... VS my more quite, 'life with grace VS a party' approach!!
2) the last vacation we took before the divorce
was a cruise for our 15th anniversay..planned and paid for before the end came..
and yet taken after we knew it was over!
So the memory is fraught with emotions....
3) its such a reminder of the differences in our lives now
and the differences between what was then and what is now...
and so..
for whatever reason...
I am tripping over this hurdle!
NOT stuck in it...
not wallowing..
I will deal..
I will accept ...
and I will move on...
but in this moment..
it sucks!...just a bit!!


  1. Oh man, my ex took a cruise with his girlfriend and it bothered me SO much. He never had time for vacations or time for us, yet he was quick to treat her to something I'd wanted for years. It sucked, too. I'm with you. Rational or not, it is what it is. I did deal, accept, move on... but it did suck. I feel your pain, my friend.

  2. We all have moments like this that suck. And you're right not to wallow in it but accept it and process it. Acknowledging that it causes you pain is the only way to let it go.

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  4. So understandable, for all the reasons you stated. Focus on what you've got going on--you've got a great life! Hang in there! :)