Life after divorce
is not easy!
There are many reasons..
some you expect and some;
you do not!!
I expected;
the heartache..
that healed!
the loneliness...
that got better with time!
the business of being a single mom..
which I am adjusting to!
I expected the children's hurt...
but I will never get used to it!
I expected that my ex and I
would be OK...
and we are!
However......
I did not expect;
that I would have to share!
or at least,
what that would feel like!
Moments that matter
are not just mine-
or 'ours' as they would be
as a family;
Christmas..
holidays...
special events...
Together as a couple;
its a celebration!
Apart...
some one gets left behind!
and some times;
that hurts!!
But, its for the kids!
Every moment that I want to claim!
Every event that I want them to smile
and wave at me -FIRST,
Every pre event that I want to do
their hair-
or get them dressed;
Every post event that I want
to celebrate.....
I think of THEM!
I think of what they need...
and what they want!
I know they want and need
their WHOLE family-
and I know they did not ask
to have to spend these times
fractured from what was!!
and so...
if I am not the one they wave at
first..
I smile and wave anyway!
If I am not the one chosen
to do their hair;
or pick out their clothes..
I remind myself
how blessed they are
to be cared for by so many!
And if I cannot celebrate
in that moment,
I will celebrate in another....
And when I cry tears into my pillow
because this not the way
I thought motherhood would be..
I cry them in silence!
They are tears for me....
not for them!
THEY are loved!
and they never have to feel
that they have to make a choice!
and that is the gift
that together their father and I
can still give
them 'together'...
The thing we still do as one....
we will love and we will share-
because that's what they NEED!
And in the end...
meeting their needs;
brings us all a shared peace!
Once more
an extended family..
for better,
for worse...
for keeps!
I couldn't have said it better. It's so important that we "get" this!
ReplyDeleteWOW! This is something I only have a little experience with so far....but I dread. I felt your pain as I read about the tears in the pillow in silence and that this is not what you expected motherhood to be. That, I can identify with 100%. This isn't what a family is supposed to look like. And yet, all that matters is that our kids are happy. But what do you do when they ARE hurting? What if they feel that their "family" isn't right? You are very fortunate to have worked things out so well "together" with you X. It's great that you get along. I don't have that. It's so hard, and I know my daughter feels it. *sigh* Guess I need to save it for MY blog. HEHE!
ReplyDeleteThis made me sad. I think i felt a tear forming.
ReplyDeleteYour children are so lucky to have you :-) This is absolutely amazing!!!!
ReplyDelete