Sunday, December 12, 2010

That time of year...

This is my 5th Christmas
since my divorce..
(the one that counts! ha!)

It still hurts!
No longer the divorce,
as much..
but the season!

This is also the 2nd year
I will not have my children
Christmas eve
and Christmas morning...
and it still makes me sad!

There has been time,
but can time heal
the simple fact
that what should be,
is not?
that a day of family time
is severed?
that my children
are away
on an important holiday?

it can..and does...
it still leaves shards
of hurt behind!

Like most divorced parents
I work around the day!
The day is just a day!
The kids are fine!
They have 2 Christmas's
and where they spend
the morning
is exciting either way!!

They do not know
that my heart still
when I think
of Christmas morning
without them!

I am blessed
to have friends
and family who
fill in the gaps!
I think often of those
who do not!
I shall not be alone..
And I have learned
to make the most
of those moments,
that I wish were something else!

the reality of the hurt
is there...
and the ultimate
to overcome is mine.
and I shall...
there might be
a few tears a long the way!
I will, however,
make it my quest
to outnumber the tears...
with moments
that make me smile!


  1. Who knows? Maybe you and ex will get to a point where celebrating the holiday includes you too :o/ I have heard of divorce families doing this and they are able to make it work. Hope you are able to too.

  2. I have a post scheduled about this later this week... my fifth as well and the second without my kids... they'll be gone for a whole week! YIKES! And you're right, we make do, we're fine, but we still hurt because it's not they way we intended it for them or us in the beginning.

  3. I won't be seeing my kids on Christmas Day either. I know it will be hard and I have been avoiding invites and I decided I would just be on my own. Maybe that is me being silly?

    Anyway, I hope that you have a great time (both when you don't have the kids and when you do).

  4. My first post on your blog. It's my first Christmas with my 4 year old since my husband and I split. Today we put the tree up and I couldn't stop the tears. So, I am happy (and sad) to read your post. I look forward to the day I can outnumber the tears..

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.

    Danielle Dobson

  5. I share your sadness this time of year. I will be ALONE on Christmas. I don't have family here. My daughter will be with her dad. I won't even be able to DRIVE, being that I will have just had surgery and will be in a neck brace. It will be a lonely Christmas for me, that I'm NOT looking forward. BUT...I have decorated my house to the MAX...on the inside, anyway. And I plan to celebrate Christmas when my time comes. Like you said, it's not about the day. But I imagine it will be a day of tears for me, as I will be all ALONE.

    Be thankful, very thankful for your family support!

  6. I have my kids this year, but probably won't next year (we're currently separated and don't have an agreement in place yet). Any suggestions on what to do Christmas morning if I don't have any family here or friends I would feel like I was imposing on? I'm already thinking about next year with dread.

  7. 2 years ago I was all I do know and understand the feeling!! One of the suggestions I have is to volunteer at a local soup kitchen or shelter serving breakfast. I have some single friends who do that! I also would suggest TRYING to find some friends in the same boat..meeting for breakfast or lunch?? of me, I tend to find something I like to do and do that! Christmas eve is always hard for me! Even when I have the kids! After they are in bed..I remember the past..and feel sad! So, I plan ahead..good movie..yummy snacks and pampering things, like a home pedicure! Christmas day holds loneliness one side or the other as we switch half way through the day! This will be the first year that I see years past I would go to a movie alone! its not easy at first, but you create your own traditions! And you cry..and thats OK! its sad! you are not alone, others cry with you! But, then you dry your tears and make your own traditions..and know that next year it will hurt but not as much!!!!...

  8. I have not been back here to your blog in a long time. Not sure what prompted me to click the link from Facebook...glad I did! Knowing so many others are going through this very painful time of "sharing" kids has provided some measure of comfort and hope. This is my first year without my kids for Christmas...its kinda from the tree farm tore at my heart seeing that pose of conquest at finding and cutting the perfect tree with another man standing in my spot...arms around my kids...I have scrap-booked 15+ years of that same pose...

    I put on my happy face and try to make my time with them special and meaningful. It is so hard to suppress feelings of loss. I saw your play this morning. Soooo glad it was dark in the audience...could not stop crying at the thought of no more Christmases (never again the way they were)

    Anyway...thanks for the encouragement today!

  9. I would be hurt too! Not to have them on Christmas eve and Christmas morning would suck!! You are brave dear one and I send you great big hugs!!

  10. This is my 4th Christmas post-divorce. The first year I didn't have the kids on Christmas morning and it was so sad for me that since whichever of us doesn't have the kids goes to the others house that morning for gift-opening.

  11. while it makes me sad that so many are hurting this time of year..there is definetly a measure of comfort to know its normal! Each family, must on their own, find what works for them! For me, I have opted against the joint sharing of the morning! For now, its because it would hurt to much!! And in time I would not be sure how someone I loved felt about it..and so in the effort to prepare my heart for another...and to allow my children the completeness in both families..I have found that I must learn to adjust! We have shared Christmas eve and I hope we shall all go to church again this year. I pray hope and healing to all who have read and commented!! Thank you!

  12. P.s. Secret agent..I LOVE that you share the morning! I have many friends who do this!! I think of all the options..if this one works for a family..this might be my favorite!!!!