Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Changes that come through hurt

on my heart has been
and how much I have changed,
and in how many ways
I am no longer who I used to be!

Then on a blog site tonight
that I follow and enjoy
a question was posted
that tied in to
so much on my heart!

the question;
how many people do you like to be around?
groups, a few, ect..
and my answer is so sad,...sometimes!

groups leave me vulnerable...
and lonely!
and a few people
leave me feeling naked and exposed!

Its not how many these days;
its who!
I am safe with those who know me
love me
and accept me!
I am safe with those who
know enough
that I can pick up with a fresh hurt
or return to an old one!
I am safe with those
who know enough
to not need to know more...
and so I find
that I ,who once, thrived on groups
and people and friends..
now needs to be safe
in the company of others!

I am blessed
in that I have those
safe friendships!
I have family members
that just let me be me...
who listen and love...
and ask only what I can answer
in this moment..
knowing that in the next moment it might change!

I have single friends
I have married friends..
I am even, for the first time ever,
developing some male freindships!
BUT, all are safe!
and all are slow..
and all are taken a step at a time..
because for the first time in my life
the world no longer looks
as safe as it used too..
and groups represent
an unknown..
and for now
is better left alone....


  1. Debbie this was a very candid answer, and it makes perfect sense to me.

    You are very wise and it think it is awesome that you are so open about your feelings.

    There is a time for everything...and everyone. Some days are loner days, others are filled with friends.

  2. That's not a sad answer at all! It's an honest answer... I think when you still feel raw, it's more important than usual to surround yourself with the people who make you feel safe. When you've healed more, you'll be able to put yourself back out there and jump into crowds... or not... and if the answer is 'not' or 'not ever', that's cool, too!!! xo

  3. What a great post! This resonates with me completely. I'm more comfortable one-on-one than in groups, and I don't worry how many good friends I have, but "who", like you say.

  4. Caution and trust are not mutually exclusive...you can have both at the same time. It sounds like you were in protective mode and you're thinking at sometime you're going to have to move forward into growth mode..you're going to do it differently and that's GOOD. It's those who do the same thing over and never learn that have problems. You will be fine.


  5. I don't think it is a sad answer. I prefer to be around just one or two people, it's the way I am most comfortable. By being around a smaller group I can really get to know them and listen to what they have to say.

  6. I have learned that my safety comes only from God's word. When I read, I look at his word as a mirror inside of me. Keep your heart soft .... A hardened heart is like hard soil. To break it up, there has to be rain. If it is really hard, it will take a storm. Jesus will always takes you through the the storm if you rely on him. Welcome the word with a surrendered heart. Welcome the word with a devotional heart. And most of all,a repentent, receptive and responsive spirit. (Mark 4:19-20, Matthew 13:23 James 1:1-26)Make him your first love!

  7. I actually understand this quite a bit and think it's very normal (whatever "normal" is! lol).

    After my ex left, I had a hard time in larger groups for quite awhile and preferred only to be around close friends and family. These days though, I've finally got the old me back (only new and improved!!) and feel comfortable talking to just about anyone.

    Keep taking it slow....you're doing the right thing.

  8. Great post. I sure missed reading your blog!

  9. I wish more people would be this honest. I completely understand this post. Love you, B