Saturday, April 11, 2009

Second time single..first time freed!

I have so much to hurt over..
as do many!
BUT I have so much to be grateful for!

this is my second go round...
I have had only 2 loves in my life..
only 2 relationships.
Both became 'forevers'
yet neither stood the test of time.

Both were so different
and while both left footprints on my heart
one left in its wake..
fear, trepidation, awareness and deep relief.

The first time I found my self single..
I did not want to be there.
the state of being single
was the trap.
I did not want to be alone..
I liked love,
I liked relationships,
I liked being married.

Then I experienced being trapped in a different way.
being in a marraige
that was not what it seemed..
being with a person
bent on dominance and control..
and I felt trapped in ways I cannot explain.
I could not breathe..

My second time single
feels like freedom personified.
I feel alive again,
I feel light
as if a heaviness has been taken from my back,
I feel refreshed;
as if my airway has reopened
and I can gulp in the outside air
once again.

I drink in this state of being
and know that I am lucky!
I was strong enough to get away..
loved enough by others
to have a place to turn...
hurt enough by my past
to not have given all of me...
and because of all of this
I could run
and start fresh...

I can look at my children
and feel deeply grateful
for the choice I made.
and I can live my life
knowing there is worse
then being alone...
and I know what it feels
to loose your freedom
and I know the exhiliration
of finding it again....

For all that and more..
I am deeply thankful!


  1. Yes..those who decieve us, those who hurt us often are our greatest teachers and out of the darkest moments come our greatest and most valuable lessons. To be alone and to be lonely are not the same. In a relationship without a true partner it is lonely, being solo and being aware of your divine value is to never be lonely.

    You've learned some lessons. If you are fortunate enough to find someone new to love and to love you and I believe that will someday happen for you, trust and love fully be be sure of his character, watch for the signs of integrity and kindness. He's out there, I found my miracle, a true prince and you'll find yours too.


  2. I too understand this post as a survivor of domestic violence who after escaping, lived many years in celebraton of the freedom that being single again brought to me. I'm now in a very different place as a person re-married to a wonderful husband who fosters the same freedom I had found on my own after leaving the abusive relationship.

    It's so assuring to know when the right decision has been made no matter what anyone else thinks. You can sleep at night in peace because you finally know the freedom of being who God made you. I hope the best for you. Even though I've only met you once, I feel you are a kindred spirit. Blessings!