Monday, April 20, 2009

Freedom of choice...

There is so much I am learning
about who I am!
Things I might have learnt sooner
if I was not so busy trying to please..
someone I loved!

I have learnt that I am strong willed!
I have also learnt that its OK!!
I have learnt that I need to be connected to my parents...
and that's OK too!!
I gave that up once....for love...allowed limits..
where limits did not belong!
I now realise how vital
a simple connection
is to my very state of being!

I have learnt that I need freedom of choice.
Even small choices, sometimes....
I need my choices to count!
I need freedom in how I spend my money..
again..not in big ways...
bills dictate a lot:)
but $10 at a flea market goes a long way...
and never again will I give over all my 'will'...
in this area!

I have learnt that I need time alone...
not always...
but sometimes!
I need to think, feel, cry or relax
without pressure to please or cater too
anyone but me....

I need time with my kids!
I need family time!
I need outings..
and movie nights..
and game night!
I need to be a mom...
first and foremost in this season of my life..

I have learnt that I need girlfriend time!
I need martinis and coffee..
(altho not always at the same time LOL.)
BUT I need that!
It is not a luxury...
it is part of my make up
and when I gave up my friends..
to make another happy!
I lost a part of me....

I have learnt that I need some measure of chaos!
Some thrive in order...
with schedules...
and day planners...
I need those things because they are a necessary evil..
but I thrive on the last minute trip!
The dinner decided on 5 minutes ago...
the trip to the beach just because its nice out...
I need to be spontaneous...
it brings me joy...
I need junk drawers in each room....
the organized chaos that makes my home function..
is also part of my makeup!
And I no longer believe that it is anything other
then what it should be!!

I have also learnt that I need animals!
I don't just like them and enjoy them..
they speak to my soul!
they are part of what brings me joy!
Again, I saw this before as an area of me
that i could ignore,
let go...for the sake of another!
NOW I see the fact that
'the other' will need to be more of me
in this area...
or I would rather be alone...

I thrive on my passions..
my Lord is my passion..
my children are my passion...
my family is my passion...
my friends are my passion...
and animals are my passion...
so, if a man once again becomes my passion...
He will have to, this time, share or accept my passions..
as I no longer believe that i should let go of me..
to meet another only on their terms!

so...all this soul searching and new found freedom

has led me to add some new family members...
our home , as is,
consists of
1 mom,
3 kids
1 Yorkie
1 tortoise
1 rabbit
4 hermit crabs
4 fish..

Pictured above,
our newest additions..

now...please help us name them!
They are boys...
and we are on hunt for names as cute as them!


  1. So glad you're re-learning YOU! I'm still doing it, 4 years later :)

    I'll have a think on the kitty names :)

  2. How about...

    Kit and Caboodle
    Barnum and Bailey
    Gilligan and Skipper
    Abbott and Costello
    Machu and Picchu
    Marks and Spencer
    Archie and Jughead
    Zig and Zag

    This was fun :)

  3. Sing it Sister! I find I lost a lot of myself when my kids were little and I'm just coming back and guess what...I'm awesome! You sound awesome too...we'd be great friends if we lived next door!

    You need to share you and if anyone tries to change that they aren't worthy. And I too would rather be alone. The safest bet is to find someone who is as in touch with himself as you are with yourself and if you can't find anyone as awesome as you then that's ok too.


  4. Oh, the kittens are adorable.

    What about Ying and Yang
    Salt and Pepper
    Hap and Stance

    Have fun!

  5. Good for you Debbie! You are growing daily and it is a blessing that you share your journey with your blog readers.
    My vote for kitten names--Edward and Jacob (after Twilight characters).

  6. So true! It's nice to have the freedom to be ourselves!

    As for the kitties...Statler and Waldorf (after the 2 old guys on The Muppet Show). lol

  7. Awe, they are adorable! But I'm not good with naming! I agree with you, when you give up your friends to make someone else happy, you do lose part of yourself, I have experienced this and am still trying to make amends.

  8. I'll be back when I think of some good names.

    They are adorable- of course you're passionate about them.

  9. I've been reading all the suggestions, and there are some funny ones...but you need to picture yourself actually calling that name out loud in the house...
    Let us know what you settle on, and we'll start calling them that.