Thursday, April 23, 2009

Life single...

So many things you cannot prepare for..
tonight was my daughters school play!
First school event...
of course, this means...
all attend!
their dad....
and his girlfriend!
And while I like her...
and While him and I are on
friendly terms..
I wonder if the feeling
of 'just something being off'.....
will ever go away!

When they walk out the door with my children,
me following a few paces behind..
will it ever not look like a photograph gone wrong..
as if somehow the picture got mixed up with someone

Its not about feelings...
its about whats seems natural I guess,...
and I guess I am still in the acceptance stage
in some of this!

I would not go back for anything...
the lessons I have learnt
and the person I am today
were worth every single tear
that ever dropped upon my cheek!!

But, I still look at the kids
and feel they belong to 'us'..
not him (and sort of her...)
and me!

I know also,
that this is a difficult process..
no matter how good it is!
No matter how much I like
the girlfriend..
No matter how much I appreciatte
how good she is to them..
When from the stage they wave...
to get her attention,
not mine...
it hurts!! Can't help it!!
I realize I share their hearts!
I am not protective of that!
They matter enough for me to want
the best in all parts of their life.
I find joy in the happiness they feel
in both their homes...
and yet still...
this was my 'spot'...
I was the only 'mother' figure...
moving over...
even just a little...
is not as easy as it sounds!!:)

All part of the process...
All part of the struggle..
and All part of the journey
that will bring me to a better


  1. Like a photo gone wrong. Oh, I know how that feels... and what an amazing way to put it!

    I'll never forget the first time my daughter met her dad's (now ex) girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) and she LOVED her. She couldn't say enough good about her. I had to smile and sound happy, when inside I was dying.

    You have a wonderful attitude and the kids are so much better off because of it... xo

  2. Ugh, I do not look forward to this at all. You are so good with words, and you are doing such a great job of working through all of this.

  3. hang in there, I think it will get easier.
    My ex cheated and was married a month after my divorce. Although they moved far away, before they did, his wife was not only not my friend but tried everything she could to turn the kids away from me.
    Then they moved and rarely saw or spoke with my kids. She cheated on him. they got divorced. Now he is married for the third time, trying to get closer to my now teen kids, sorta and she is alone.
    Every situation is different but you are always thier mother and they will never choose over you. It is difficult for them also to try not to hurt feelings.
    Always remember, the kids are the only ones who are innocent in a divorce.

  4. A therapist for one of my kids suggested my ex's boyfriend doesn't come to school events, since school is about the kids and parents. He might not be in the picture tomorrow or next week. Who knwos? If my ex and he were married, it would be different, but they're not.

    He does occasionally show up to soccer matches, and my kids show a ton of favortism to me and their mom, so we don't have moments like the one you described. They do leave together if my ex has custody, but I don't walk right behind them.

    Tricky situation. Not fun. I hope your ex can be more sensitive next time.

  5. This struck a cord in my heart. As a child of a divorce I think you are doing an amazing job. From my perspective, God has given you so much empathy, love and joy to knock this tough time down. As a fellow divorcee, we sooooooo need to grab coffee together. B

  6. btw - did you see Kat Wilder's piece? Older kid, but relevant situation.

  7. This is very tough. I think no matter how much you like the girlfriend you can't help but feel a tug when the kids like her too. I like dadshouse's suggestion. Maybe it would be something you could try mentioning if it was comfortable with your ex.

    Good luck. I really think you've shared so much and come along to getting stronger in the short time I've 'known' you. I think you rock :) (and that's so 80's but I like saying it anyway!)

  8. From your perspective, this has to be painful but from the kids perspective, wow, this is wonderful, to see everybody united for them ,what a gift. I have always been truly grateful that my ex husband's girlfriends have all been kind to my kids. But no matter what, I'm mom. You're mom.

    My kids dad is almost completely absent from their lives yet they still love him and forgive all he has done. You, a wonderful loving mom will always be the most important person in their lives no matter what.

    But I think you know that. It's just a little wierd and icky and odd somehow for you.


  9. As you said, this is all part of a process ... it may never seem completely right and that is okay. Sounds like you are doing great, your awareness is key!

  10. Been there too, after the previous marriage. It stunk! BUT... You are strong and will make it! I applaud your courage and strength. And yes, your steadiness will be known by your children as they grow older and just as my oldest son, John respects and looks to me for advice first, your will someday too since they are secure in their relationship with you.