So I am dating..
just a bit..
just a start..
a foot out the door!
I spoke to a friend
yesterday,
she said
"My hope is you will just enjoy the process!".
I want to..
I do!
But,
here is the thing;
Like most..
I have been hurt!
Badly!
Twice!
Both in the areas
of trust-
both in different ways-
but equally devastating!
So
now I am in a 'game'..
that has no rules!
A game with no guarantee..
a game that leaves me
wondering;
am I being played?
a game that makes it
hard for me
to relax within the lack of structure
and predictability!
In the early stages
of dating..
The signs are impossible
to read!
My signals are crossed
due to my walls!
and when something
I expected does not happen
I want to write the person off.
When something unexpected
but welcome;
happens..
I fight the thoughts of
being fooled...
ugh!
I know
its all part of the process!
I know trust
will one day be earned!
I know dating different
people..
getting to know
what I want
and what I do not..
is part of moving on!
Sometimes I wonder
if my heart
is strong enough
for the game..
or if I should just
bench myself..
once again!!
I am glad you write these posts as it means I don't have to! I have been dating again after being really badly hurt twice.
ReplyDeleteIf I am honest I'm struggling with it all. For me the dating opens up avenues I had tried to close off.
I hope that things go well for you.
Spencer- exactly!! As long as its been and as healthy as I feel I now am, I still fight my demons!!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine having to do that all over again! You are very brave and doing great ... I agree with your friend - - I hope you can enjoy the process. And, in the midst of it all, find the perfect person that's waiting out there just for YOU!
ReplyDeleteI.HATE.DATING. I just do, which makes me sad, but I just don't get any enjoyment out of the process.
ReplyDelete