Still so much to learn..

The bump
and working through stress
of a new relationship..
taught me some things.

Of course I learned
that you have to see out the process
to really learn what makes someone
tick...

But, also I learned
that as far as I have come...
I have so much still to learn.

In so many areas
of my life..
I am strong
and healthy.
but, in some areas
I still fall back to unhealthy patterns.

When something
'unjust'
happens..
or someone shuts me out;
I feel the need to be heard!
And sometimes
my need to be heard
becomes clingy and weak..
it becomes all the qualities
I want to avoid
in myself-
and others...

It stems from just needing to know..
to understand!
Just wanting to hear and be heard.

But, its unattractive
and above all..
it gives away my strength
and leaves me feeling
powerless
and hurt...

In addition;
I have too many walls..
I let fear rule-
I give too much credit-
I second guess too much-
I make excuses-

and I realize
that I have to learn to overcome
these tendencies!

I can not learn healthy relationship skills
while sitting on the sidelines.
I will only learn how to
overcome these areas...
and communicate effectively
while in the actual game.

And so...
it goes..
and so..
it goes!