I do alot of refecting..
in case my blog does not speak for its self! :)
Tonight I had a light bulb moment..
Heres what I realized!
Where I ended up these last few years came because I felt 'unworthy'..
not because of who I am..
but what I am....
a divorced women...
let me explain..
I come from generations of LONG marraiges, not always happy, but LONG!
My parents have been married, and happy, over 40 years..
my grandparents before them 50...
My aunts, uncles, cousins...all lifetimers!
I was the first in generations of family to get a divorce!!
Pretty big!
And I had been carrying the shame...
and I did not even know this....
I met someone who accepted that I was {gasp} a divorced mom...
I was GRATEFUL.... grateful that he would accept that..
like it was a deficiency...
Then he married me..
and no matter how bad it was..or how hurt I felt....
I felt unworthy!
and I accepted what I knew should not be...
I felt like my divorce was a handicap that others saw and had to overlook...
I was so shamed!
And until today I did not see that....
And until today I did not see that I NO LONGER feel that way!
I carry no shame,
not for the first divorce ...
or for the second...
I am a women..
with a past...
a past that defines me
and makes me who I am
and more of who I want to be...
I am a women who has hurts
and has lived through life and pain
and more importantly has overcome!
There is no shame in the lessons that life brings
when we face them in truth
and own our mistakes
and choose to walk forward
armed with knowledge
that will change our future!
You are on fire... nice post!
ReplyDeleteGuilt is a biggie and carrying that around can destroy a life. I've had to learn to let go of the guilt and quit hating myself for the divorce and my kids strained relationship with their dad and all the other ick that has happened. I will always probably feel a twinge of guilt, but it doesn't consume me like it used to.
ReplyDelete