really it came out of nowhere...
today was not a good day....
and I so did not see it coming.
I have expressed alot about my first marraige..almost 15 years...3 kids...
devastating...
But there was another.
This one was MUCH shorter...
and this one I ran from...
so many days I feel the relief...
we were toxic to eachother,
I caused reactions that were hurtful and unfair
by the very action of being me....
sad but true..
incompatability in its most dangerous and volitaile form...
and I had to flee.
today, for the first time...
I was struck by the memories of when I did not know..
when I did not know what was to come...
when I did not know that we would be a deadly poison to eachother
when I believed ....
When i thought it would be OK...
That memory hit hard,
the memory of a moment when this person embodied all I hoped
he would be
and represented all I believed our future would hold.
My heart is broken...
not by a person
but by a dream
that will never be....
but seemed, for a moment, so real...
yes debbie , thats right- we do mourn our hopes and dreams- we grieve for what we thought was ours only to find out it is not.
ReplyDeletestay strong- these days will beceom less over time.
Lisa xx
It's hard to let go of our dreams but somehow when we do they are replaced by a better reality. Thank you for posting on my blog. I like what you had to say above. I too have been a single mother, it's hard. In my life I kissed a few frogs and also a few princes who weren't quite right for me and experienced that hope, that maybe, this time..only to be disappointed.
ReplyDeleteand one time, the last time, I was right...
Keep the faith..meanwhile, keep being wonderful you!
Breeze
Try to look towards the good you have now and put the past behind. I'm not in your situation so I can't pretend to really understand what you are going through. I do know you seem to be stronger now than you were before and soon that memory may come but this time it'll be easier to let go.
ReplyDeleteThink of how far you've come to being stronger and realize the new dream that is a happier, healthier you.