Saturday, February 14, 2009

Going back in time entry #1

As this blog is a journey of healing for me...and I pray one day it will be healing for others, I will be taking entries from my private journal written right after my divorce, 2 years ago and posting them on here! I believe that for me, going forward will require going back!...

October 07th, 2006

This journal will be random thoughts and emotions that make no sense. Today I feel like divorce is the huge bubble floating above me. To big to hold in my hand, to big to ignore. All the memories good and bad, float in this bubble. Always there-never able to catch or hold onto-
This is so big!
The depth of the pain is physical. My chest is heavy as if my heart is swollen and takes more space. My heart, literally, aches. I try and grasp the fact that what was ; is no more and it eludes me.
Something is missing, something I need but can't quite remember why or what for- leaving the house with the wrong shoes or no jacket. You function but somethings not right!
I am no longer whole- I ache and hurt-
That is what my day has been-
Floating bubbles with thoughts and memories just out of reach- always there but never close enough to grasp-
The pain is great!
the pain was so raw...I have come so far but I never want to forget...because in our pain comes great lessons and even greater opportunity!


  1. It will be difficult to relive all this again...(and not just for YOU!lol) but I know it will be great comfort to others...this is the beginning of all that. Ah, blessed healing! It is long overdue...enjoy!

  2. yes, I hope that through this journey not only will I see the distance walked and the amount over come, but those who walked beside me will be able to truelly measure Gods hand and outpouring of grace! And then there are those starting this process..if only one finds hope...there is hope! So much hope!!!....

  3. great single dad, I have much respect for you.

  4. I remember those times and I am delighted to see the healing God is working in you. I got to the point where I was so grateful that the Lord brought me out of that marriage, especially when I looked at my ex-husband's life and knew that that would have been my life too. And Kathleen's. I am praying for you and today especially I pray that God will surprise you with unexpected joy!