Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The mommy wars!!

I am so tired...but for 2 days something has been on my mind..the age old war between working moms and stay at home moms! Which is really the harder job?? and you know what I now know????? BOTH!!!!!
I was a stay at home (homeschooling) mom for 11 years! I loved it but I got so stressed out sometimes! I knew that being home all day with my children had to be the hardest, albeit, most fulfilling thing I had ever done! Even Oprah agrees!! (OK ignore that!:) ) Then I went to work outside the home! I remembered fondly my days of cuddling on the couch, the freedom of my schedule, the relaxed pace of my days.....until I had 2 days at home with the kids, due to illness! MY house was a WRECK. I had to make several meals, do dishes several times, maintain order in the midst of forts being built, puzzles put together and crayons strewn throughout out the house..and I remembered what it was really like!! YES, there were wonderful moments but also really hard ones! And the same goes for my new role as working mom. YES , when I leave the house it will be in the same state when I return! I am only home for 2 meals a day, much less dishes. The afternoons do not leave as much free time to completely demolish the house, and my work brings me in contact with people and gives me the opportunity to make new friends and be someone other then mom. BUT my pace is frantic. We are all up and out the door early in the morning. After a day at work, I now must find time to do all the things that maintaining a home requires! Getting the kids ready for their next school day takes a good portion of the afternoon. Preparing for my work day takes time also, and of course, there is always the wish that I had more time with my children!.. So its hectic and hard! But it is also rewarding in its own way!
So what I have learnt is that so much time is spent comparing the different roles mothers have! And yet at there core both are draining, both are rewarding and underneath the role we are all part of the same journey with the same hearts for our children, the same hurts and fears! We might live out our lives differently on the surface but isn't it whats beneath the surface that counts?
If we could walk a mile in each others shoes..we may come away with a renewed respect! We may also come away deeply grateful for the life we lead, whichever role that is!


  1. Hi Debbie!!! It's so great to see you blogging. Now maybe I can keep up with you better. I got your Facebook message but I stink at figuring out Facebook so haven't written back.
    Your spirit is amazing and so strong. You've been through so much yet you've kept your positive outlook. Good for you!
    I'd love to get together sometime.

  2. I'm right there with you! We Moms have to stick together an support each other! I've been a single working mom and a married stay-at-home mom and both lives are equally a blessing and challenging. I hate to see it when we tear each other down.

  3. My 3 sons are now grown, but I can relate with what you are saying.

    * I also wanted to comment that I saw on your profile that one of your favorite books is "I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE". MINE TOO!
    I would even "worry" about the characters. Almost said a prayer for them one night! (tehe)

    Thanks for following my blog.

  4. I think we need to realize that there are reasons and seasons for Moms being either here or there or both...instead of judging. We don't always know (or need to know) the reasons why someone else is doing what they are doing, especially if we know they are seeking God and doing the best they can... who are we to think we even have that right??! I work part-time and we homeschool... but it's only part-time, my kids are older, and we use Florida Virtual School so I'm not sure either group would "accept" me ;) I don't worry so much about that anymore though... I'm seeking the Lord daily and things could change tomorrow!

  5. I am SO glad this post wasn't all about how Mom's are always judging each other Deb. I am so SICK of hearing that angle. I think fewer Moms judge each others think they do. We tend to FEEL judged more than we are actually judged. It is women like US, who are out of the norm that people really judge. Lol
    But anyway, it is funny to be able to see both have been a working Mom, been called home and then been called to a ministry that takes me away so much again. It is a conundrum. But one that makes me realize, yet again, that God is more interested in HOW we handle our circumstances than what are circumstances actually are.
    Glad you are finally blogging. And it's funny to see everyone here before me...

  6. Glad to see ya' back in the area. Thanks for the thoughts on working motherhood, the many struggles, thoughts, fears, etc.... that we go through. I admire the strength & perseverance, just remember where it came from! ;0)

  7. Hey Debbie, I've done it all, stay at home, working full-time, single mom going to school, single mom working two jobs, re-married in a blended family. I have complete respect for all moms out there. Being a mom is a job in itself (I now have 5 teenagers...YIKES!). Let me tell you how much strength I've had to draw from God. I'm glad He's bigger than me.