How does dating fit???

I have been single for almost 9 months!
and yet..
have chosen not to date!
I can..
I am divorced.
BUT, I just don't want to!!
When my first marriage ended-
I started dating right away..
I thought it would bring validation!
it did...:)
and I met someone RIGHT away!

And to be clear
I think people get confused on why
rebound is not a good thing!
It is not always because one cannot love properly
I had been warned of that..
and knew I could give and love and be loyal!
What I was not taught is that rebound love
can be dangerous!
if you are are not whole or healthy..
you may not recognize dysfunction..
you may get in a mess!
and I did!

SO....this time I made a commitment..
one year NO dates!
and the thing is...
I often think that when the year mark comes..
I will probably still not be ready..
or eager!
I am not sure if its good or bad!
Its good that I like to be single..
but bad that I am fearful of trying...
hmmm..

BUT I do know
that waiting and not rushing
has already allowed for so much healing to happen!
It has allowed me the time to get my home in order
and establish routines!
If the time comes I go on a date..
or even..maybe..ummm...one day...possibly...
have a relationship,
my life is comfortable and in order!
My children are priority..
my job is established!!
I am not floating
liable to be swept away in the emotions and imbalance
that I have come to fear....

and so, until I am ready...
I will continue to enjoy
the simplicity of my life!