I am more melancholy this month
this is not usual for me..
But from the first day of May
I felt like something was looming...
as I have reflected,
I think its all the 'events' that May has held.
The first comes soon..
this will be its own blog.
My first borns birthday!
Birthdays are so bitter sweet these days.
The sweet is the time with the kids..
and another year we have shared.
The bitter is that each birthday that has passed
since their dad left..
I have felt the void
that appears when there is no-one
who truly owns that memory with you.
I want to talk not just about a child
I want to talk about my child..our child
with someone who was there..
who understands what this birthday means.
Who has measured time
by the milestones..
and lived each heartbeat along with me..
so, it leaves a tiny hole..
May has held other events too..
It used to be my anniversary..
Can't help but remember that..
It was also the month my life began to unravel
several years ago...
Its odd to me
that I don't keep this month
in the surface files of my brain..
and yet when the month arrives,
my heart remembers and reacts...
All part of the process..
not a bump in the road,
just an imprint on the paper...
and no matter what May holds,
June is still to come...
and as far as my memory tells me
June has a pretty trouble free past!:)