Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Melancholy May

I am more melancholy this month
than normal..
this is not usual for me..
But from the first day of May
I felt like something was looming...
as I have reflected,
I think its all the 'events' that May has held.

The first comes soon..
this will be its own blog.
My first borns birthday!
Birthdays are so bitter sweet these days.
The sweet is the time with the kids..
and another year we have shared.
The bitter is that each birthday that has passed
since their dad left..
I have felt the void
that appears when there is no-one
who truly owns that memory with you.
I want to talk not just about a child
turning 13!
I want to talk about my child..our child
with someone who was there..
who understands what this birthday means.
Who has measured time
by the milestones..
and lived each heartbeat along with me..
so, it leaves a tiny hole..

May has held other events too..
It used to be my anniversary..
Can't help but remember that..

It was also the month my life began to unravel
several years ago...

Its odd to me
that I don't keep this month
in the surface files of my brain..
and yet when the month arrives,
my heart remembers and reacts...

All part of the process..
not a bump in the road,
just an imprint on the paper...
and no matter what May holds,
June is still to come...
and as far as my memory tells me
June has a pretty trouble free past!:)


  1. Keep all the good memories from May close in your heart sweetie and let the others go. It may be a good month to start new memories.
    .......:-) Hugs

  2. There is always something to remind us of unpleasant past experiences...... ready to pounce when we expect it least.
    Music and smells can take you right back too.
    Hoping this May will be better for you this year.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  3. Happy Birthday to your son...13!? Wow! I hope your future May's bring you happiness and peace.

  4. Happy Birthday to your little mister! Birthdays are so special to moms! I think Aidyns birthday is as important to me as it is to him! I love knowing that (insert number here) years ago I brought him into this life.. that I grew him in my tummy. I'll always remember those special moments... I know you do too! :) Moms!

  5. Thank God for trouble-free June! :)

    Beautiful post, again. Happy birthday to your little man!

  6. The first year or two of any change is the hardest. Soon those memories will be of the time when you alone shared it with the kids and that it was ok.

    Hugs. June brings sunshine

  7. I just had a conversation with a friend who recognizes a cycle in his life. Autumn is always a really low time for him, so he's maximizing spring and summer to seriously kick some butt. May might be a low cycle for you, but like you said, June will be here soon. So get through it and get ready to kick butt soon!

  8. Isn't it interesting how, without keeping track on paper, your heart and mind know of the memories the month brings for you.

  9. But the good things of May will soon out way the bad and May will take it's rightful place as a good month.

  10. For me April holds pains that creep in whether I recognize it or not. I try to anticipate and plan better, so that it does not catch me unawares. Until new memories are in place, that will have to do. Time marches on whether we like it or not...