my greatest strength..and biggest weakness..

My openess comes up a lot..
I tend to live my life OUT LOUD!.
I share what I feel,
and hide little when it comes to emotions,
beliefs and even actions..
Some times this is too much.
I give away my heart through the very virtue
of sharing its secrets...

Lately I have pondered why.
I understand not everyone does this..
But, why do I?

I think its this;
if I tell you that I am disorganized in a very structured way,
that I never kill ANYTHING
and will stop for ANYTHING crossing the road,
and normally get out and help it across.
I have never seen a hungry animal and not fed it...
I have never passed a hungry person and not given them food either..
If I tell you,
I am passionate to a fault about things I believe in,
and protective to an extreme of those I love.
If I tell you I don't eat meat
and I know the chickens that lay the eggs I do eat,
If I tell you that I know more about 60's and 70's music
then anything on the radio today..
If I tell you that if I could have done it over
I would have joined the peace corp,
If I tell you I love long skirts and my hair in a pony tail
more then getting glamourous.
If I tell you being called 'enduring' means more to me then being called
beautiful.
If I tell you I am a hippie wannabe
and would love to travel the country in a VW van with flowers painted
on the side....;)
If I tell you that the only 'hippie' belief I do not adhere too is free love..
that I am strong in my beliefs about intimacy...and commitment!
If I tell you that I made a huge mistake after my heart was broken,
and its my greatest regret but also greatest lesson,
If I tell you that I used to define myself by my roles,
now I define myself by my heart.
If I tell you I don't like to cook
and only clean because I must.
If I tell you I am content with little
and do not desire much more...
If I tell you what my soul looks like,
the good , the sad, and the ugly..
I give you the power to reject me UP front!
I would rather you chose to not befriend me,
then tell me you love me,
or want to be a part of my life and circle of friends;
because you THINK you can make me
more organised,
less quirky,
more fashionable,
less unaffected by trends,
more ambitious,
less family oriented,
more aware of the world and its faults,
less naive.
more like you or the world,
less like me.

I am unashamedly who I am.
And when I share that I am not perfect;
I sometimes yell at my kids, I hate it, but some times I do,
I often run out of laundry and rarely fold it these days!
I am scared of the dark and still check all the locks often
when I am alone.
I am strong because I have to be..
but I liked having someone love me and want to protect me.
I have many faults..
I talk too much,
I share too openly,
I am very laid back UNTIL I am not!
I am strong willed in few things..
but in those things I am a force to be reckoned with.
I am allergic to perfectionism..
but I believe in excellence.
I can't play relationship games.
It is or it is not.
I am almost always late,
and get lost going everywhere!
But, when I tell you this,
I give you the power...
I take a chance..
and its worth the risk.
Know me now,
accept me as is..
or not!

This is why I give my heart so freely.
I would rather it was given back complete,
then kept under false pretenses
and returned to me broken and battered.

So when I share,
I risk!
I give!
I turn over my secrets and fears!
I give away my longings and hopes!
But, in return I recieve either rejection;
OR complete acceptance
for who I am..
no pretense or games..
no worries or wondering...
life for me is better lived
out loud!