all on me...

I am beginning to understand
that the saying
'if mama ain't happy, ain't no-one happy'
is based in a deep truth!

The temperament of my home
is better then its been in ages.
My children are secure and content!
They are happy and at peace!
Yes, they squabble
Yes, they sass
Yes, they have less then perfect moments!
BUT, the basic heartbeat of the home is happy!

And yet,
only one thing has changed!!!
ME!!
I realized that I was on edge
and that I was irritable
and that I was causing frustration in the kids...
and so, several weeks ago
I sat them down!
I asked their forgiveness for my failings!
I asked them their needs and hopes..
I heard their hearts!
and I made the changes!
Some were easy,
they wanted our home life post-divorce
to resemble our home life pre-divorce!
They still want family movie night
and family game night!
So, we put it on the calender..
and added our own..ice cream night!!
Some were harder,
they want me to hear them even when we disagree.
Understandable,
but not always easy when you are dealing with preteen drama!
But I committed to do my best,
and they committed to honor my authority even when I do not do what they wish I would!
I am the mom....end of story!
BUT I love them dearly and respect them and will show them this!
We wrote a family covenant...
and we started fresh!
So simple!
Yet, what an impact!
I took a stand for them,
that sometimes means not as much time for me...
and I have received the 'payoff' ten fold!

I have also realized more then ever...
the impact I have as their mother!
The home we live in
will reflect the tone I set!
What a load to carry..
and what an honor to be the one who can!!