I wonder about letting go..
I feel that I have..
and yet I realize that its not complete..
I have let go of my hope of reconciliation..
in fact I have accepted this is better!
But, what I have not let go of yet,
is the lack of understanding as to why this is better??
When I imagine what a divorce does..
I see it this way!
When you marry
its like a blue sheet of paper being glued right on top
of a pink sheet of paper..
during your marriage the glue dries
and you are two sides of one sheet..
one side blue, one side pink,
Then you divorce,
you rip the sheets of paper apart,
but you cannot make a clean break.
The blue sheet has little pieces of pink paper remaining on it,.
the pink sheet has little blue bits of paper remaining on it...
eventually each sheet absorbs the foreign 'paper'
and you can no longer tell whats pink and whats blue..
but what you know is that neither sheet of paper will ever look like it did before...
and so, after 16 years together..
some of the pieces are still there.
and sometimes I wonder
at what it should have been!
NOT at what it was or what it is now..
but what was meant instead..
BUT, where that leads me
is not to the past..
but to the future..
is it possible
that what was meant to be is still out there?
that fairy tales exist?
or at the very least
a relationship of equals..
where love is paired with like..
where respect is paired with desire.
where commonalities are paired with differences.
where hurt is paired with grace.
where forever is a real possibility???......
the pieces still left remind me of what was not..
and what maybe one day shall be!