Thursday, December 24, 2009

need ideas...

so its Christmas eve..
some of this days traditions will be easy to 'duplicate'..
and some of tonight will bring me to places and memories
that will hurt...
I would love to replace them..
but with what?

my family has always had a Christmas party for Jesus;
Christmas eve,
I have been doing this with my children since they were babies...
we always give Jesus a gift!
(sometimes a character we will work on, sometimes a commitment we will keep..)
This we will continue..
we go to church..
again, easy to do!
The kids open gifts from each other..
and the 'elves' leave new pajamas under the tree..
all fun traditions that won't change..
then they head to bed excited..

and heres the void...
For the 16 years I was with my ex
Christmas eve was ours!
WE never made it to Christmas morning
with a single present left to open,
so we gave up the fight
and made it our 'tradition'.
presents and grape juice under the tree..
when the kids went to bed!
An evening I cherished for years...

first year he was gone,
I was too numb to feel anything other then the void that life brought..
second year I had remarried and was just trying to survive my circumstances...
last year
I had fled and was alone and sad...
this year..
new year...
new me..
new health..
new balance..
but still a void in the place where the memory used to be..
I hope to find something of mine to do..
something that brings me joy...
and something that starts a new tradition
in spite of the past...
still needing some inspiration
on just what that shall be!


  1. Write a journal of the year...and your dreams for the next...sit under the tree, play the Christmas music,drink your grape juice and it every year...make it positive, list your blessings, your lessons, the wisdoms learned. Then when your last baby leaves the nest...have it made into a book and give each of your babies a copy for Christmas that year. Heck with your honesty and wisdom it could be a bestseller!

    Good luck my friend and have a very Merry Christmas!

    You could not have a better companion to spend Christmas eve with than you my friend!


  2. Hi Debbie, I can't really offer any advice better than the advice already given by Breeze.

    You have acknowledged that each Christmas eve for the past few years has been different. it is time for you and you alone to start making it better than the past few years. The past is just that, the past. The future holds new pleasures, new experiences, new hope.

    Merry Christmas x

  3. Bought a journal..loved that idea! have a fire going (its 80 degrees out..but so what!!) and will pamper myself with a pedi while watching a movie! DOES it get better???? :)

  4. Not at all, enjoy your evening...there is nothing better than peace! Merry Christmas my friend!