Tuesday, December 15, 2009

ummm...so ouch!

my daughter comes home today..
she said they are making presents for their families in school!
"But, its so hard" she says...
"whats hard honey??"
"well..who to give it to? you or papa?"
does he take out their baby stuff and cry over the memories?
has he been carrying a container filled with their art projects since birth?
did he ..ummm.. birth them??
but , he IS their dad!
and it sad for them!!
and they love us both the same..
and I get that!!

I have decided against waving my hand in the air
"pick me!pick me!"..

instead I wrote the school principal..
I suggested that in the age of broken families
and blended homes..
maybe children should have the opportunity to create gifts
for both families
rather then choosing between them..

and somehow
I will find a way to help them with their choice,
maybe help them 'make ' a second similar gift..
or suggest that this year they give them to their dad..
as much as their hand made things matter..
their handle with care hearts matter more!
so my role is to swallow the lump
and help my children
deal with the cards they did not ask to be dealt!


  1. Oh Debbie,
    I know this one, and I know about the lump in the throat. You've down the right thing though.

    It's hard to feel what our kids feel following a divorce. As you have rightly said, he is their Dad and you must always resist calling him, raising your eyebrows etc. My kids never heard me call their mum but sadly they heard their mum call me at every opportunity. Now that they are older they have thanked me for not making things difficult for them.

    You suggestion was good, let Dad have the gift this year and you can have it next. You can bet your kids are feeling the pressure over simple things such as this. It is up to you to relieve that pressure with no pain for them. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel about it too.

  2. We need to mend their hearts. Next year upon when school reopens, there is a project where dads are suppose to walk their kids to school and thereafter receive some goodie bag.. So who is going to walk with my boy. When he saw that circular, I could feel his hurt. if I had suggested grandpa, I know he wouldn't want it. It's different becos the other children would be with their dads. Point is it makes no difference, becos even when we were not divorced, he was still not there for his son. Hiaz

  3. Debbie, that is the perfect solution and one that was suggested to Ex and me in our child therapy sessions. There are oging to be those "projects" like the Family Tree or making gifts for the family when our kids will feel (and be) different. Teaching them that it's ok to be different and that they can be proud of having two loving homes is a big step.