Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tonight I finished up something big..
and it was big in so many ways..
I participated in our church dinner theater...
a good sized church..
but thats not what was so big..
many years ago my first husband and I
started doing this together...
the year he left
I did it alone..
and felt his absence..
then I remarried,
and knew days of drama and dinner theater were over,
he would never stand for me being out of his sight
with other men..(GASP)..
and so I reluctantly said good bye in my heart,
to this outlet I enjoy!
so here I am..
relationship one and two over,
the first a part of this..
the second the reason I could not be involved..
and I am back doing something I enjoy
and this time alone!
BUT even bigger,
is that tonight
my first husband and his girlfriend
came with our kids
(his and mine)
and it was harder then I thought..
but I got through it!
I had a lump in my throat all night..
but spoke through it
and managed in spite of it!
why the lump? I am not sure!
BUT, I believe its based on what was..
and what was lost..
and the loneliness I sometimes feel now..
the end of the shows, feeling the excitement
and then going home alone with no-one to tell..
the memories of years past
doing this exact same thing..
with someone I loved..
however, in all this,
I did something I enjoyed!
I managed it while caring for my children
and working my full time job..
the house..well, that was let go:)..
but, the rest did OK!
I invited my ex and his love into my 'safe' place
and I made it through!
and I met new, wonderful people!
and was reminded that I am so much more
then the heartbreak and brokenness,
there is so much hope and life ahead,
there are new challenges and experiences..
and possibly one day,
there will be someone
that I will be able to share these things with..
and until then
I am learning to face the loneliness
and know that it shall pass,
and the experience is so much greater then the moments of hurt
that surround it!!