Sunday, December 20, 2009

something big....

Tonight I finished up something big..
and it was big in so many ways..
I participated in our church dinner theater...
a good sized church..
five shows..
packed out...
but thats not what was so big..

many years ago my first husband and I
started doing this together...
the year he left
I did it alone..
and felt his absence..
then I remarried,
and knew days of drama and dinner theater were over,
he would never stand for me being out of his sight
with other men..(GASP)..
and so I reluctantly said good bye in my heart,
to this outlet I enjoy!

so here I am..
relationship one and two over,
the first a part of this..
the second the reason I could not be involved..

and I am back doing something I enjoy
and this time alone!
Thats big!

BUT even bigger,
is that tonight
my first husband and his girlfriend
came with our kids
(his and mine)
to watch..
and it was harder then I thought..
but I got through it!
I had a lump in my throat all night..
but spoke through it
and managed in spite of it!
why the lump? I am not sure!
BUT, I believe its based on what was..
and what was lost..
and the loneliness I sometimes feel now..
the end of the shows, feeling the excitement
and then going home alone with no-one to tell..
the memories of years past
doing this exact same thing..
with someone I loved..

however, in all this,
I did something I enjoyed!
I managed it while caring for my children
and working my full time job..
the house..well, that was let go:)..
but, the rest did OK!
I invited my ex and his love into my 'safe' place
my church..
and I made it through!
and I met new, wonderful people!

and was reminded that I am so much more
then the heartbreak and brokenness,
there is so much hope and life ahead,
there are new challenges and experiences..
and possibly one day,
there will be someone
that I will be able to share these things with..
and until then
I am learning to face the loneliness
and know that it shall pass,
and the experience is so much greater then the moments of hurt
that surround it!!


  1. Debbie, a big hug. I feel for you, as I am in the midst of all that you are experiencing.
    Lots of love and best wishes, becos if all is well for you and you can pass this phase and be so brave... I can too. Blessings.

  2. Debbie - BRAVO!

    So many achievements all in one post!

    5 packed out shows! superb, That is really something.

    Playing in front of your ex and his partner, I've told you before, I don't think I'd have the courage to do that, I'm astounded, that shows real strength of character, good for you Debbie. It is really important that the kids don't feel any animosity between you and to this end you are going to extraordinary lengths, fantastic.

    Most important of all, knowing the turmoil you have experienced of late you have set aside time to do something not for anyone else, not even for your church but for you. That is highly commendable.

    You've proven to yourself, that you are so much more than an employee, a mum, a daughter and sister. You are Debbie and Debbie can kick some Christmas butt!

    Sadly I can't nominate you for an Oscar award to acknowledge your performance. I can however award you the "Steve" award for an outstanding performance. You don't get a little statue to put on display but the good news is that you get a huge helping of pride that you will feel glowing inside you.

    Three cheers for Debbie! Hip Hip Hooray (x3)

    Steve x

  3. I'm glad to hear you're doing something that you love!

  4. thanks all!! It did feel good!!:) and now I am enjoying the calm that comes after the chaos!

  5. Steve..have to say a BIG thanks for the encouragement!! better then an Oscar any day!!:)