three years ago my children s father left..
and he is still happy!
I think deep down I always believed that one day
he would miss me...
I gave him my all..
loved him completely..
it took me a while to grasp
that I was not what he wanted..
my love was not the love he desired...
neither one of us have wanted a reconciliation
in three years..
for me the reason is simple...
he hurt me deeply.
I cannot be hurt like that, by him again..
I do not believe that my heart could withstand it...
We both fell out of love in the process of dismantling our lives..
still three years later...
when I see evidence of his new life..
his carefree, stay out late, party if you want to..
I am surprised...
how is that what he wanted more then what we had?
I still wonder how its enough..
and I still find myself fighting tears
when I drive away
from dropping my kids..
my hurt is not the person,
it is the rejection of what we had,
and the choice made instead!
Certainly, it has lessened in time,
but I wonder will it ever sink in?
will I ever not be surprised
that he has found happiness in a life so different..
from the life we lived??