Sunday, March 28, 2010

its easier to adapt to the circumstances then the changes!

Over the past 3 -4 years so much has changed.
Actually almost everything has changed.
I have come to know
that I have adjusted better to the new circumstances
then to the changes that the circumstances have brought.

I adjusted to going to work...
but I still struggle with the friends I no longer see
as a result of that change.
I struggle with the field trips I no longer go on...
and I struggle with the time that is no longer there.
I do not resent my job,
nor being a working mom!
I just wish everything had not changed...

I have adjusted to being a single mom..
I have adjusted to raising children from a broken home..
I have adjusted to their being in two homes
with 2 separate parents....
but the changes that they reflect I struggle with!
The anger that still comes out
and likely always will..
The confusion they will express in moments..
That is all a change from the happy go lucky children they once were.

I have adjusted to my new life..
I am glad to be here,
and learning daily how to survive.
BUT, there is no doubt that divorce
brings changes!
and they are changes you do not always
and changes you can do nothing about.
From the loss of support groups
and play dates,
and even 'couple' friends..
or the loss of luxuries like pedicures
and dinners out..
or the deep loss of security within
the hearts of your children...
its the changes that take the longest
to accept!

long after your circumstances have become a second skin
and you cannot remember life 'before'..
the 'changes' will keep reminding you,
of all that you have been through
to arrive at the moment
you are living with in, now!


  1. So well said! The loss of friends is the hardest I would think? Be well!

  2. As usual my friend, a ridiculously beautiful post. Love you. Always!

  3. You are working so hard at fully getting through this tough journey! I really admire your courage! Don't give up

  4. You are a beautiful lady Debbie...inside and out. I pray that you and your children will keep adjusting to the changes in a positive way. I have seen that loss of security you refer to in some of my students who come from a broken home. You are a good Mom sweet lady..... Hang in there!

  5. I think attitude is really important when adjusting to changes and I think you have a good attuide.

    I understand the time we sacrifice for money to provided for out families. Sometimes it hardly seems fair that I am left to bring up 2 children with intellectual disabilities on my own with no support what so ever from my ex but we are far happier now than we have ever been.

    I've been a single mum of a lot longer than you and although I'd love to tell you the hardship disappear they don't but you will become better equipped mentally to deal with them and they begin to seem less important. Good attitude is the key and I can tell you have this.

    I don't believe there is a single thing you have written on this that I haven't thought as a single mother. What you are dealing with is totally normal.

  6. In time the pain will not be as sharp…It is true, time heals wounds, you will be able to forgive, not completely forget. Keep writing let it all out. I admire your strength :)

  7. There are so many changes after divorce, indeed! Things you took for granted before that you just can't do any more. Nice post.

  8. Slommer- I agree, loosing some of my friends still breaks my heart!

    Steph-love you too!

    anything fits a naked man- thanks for the encouragment!

    VKT- You are very sweet. I am sure in the classroom you see so much hurt!:(

    Liss- thank you for all you shared!!

    BSparkly- thanks!!!

    dadshouse- so true!!!