Tuesday, March 2, 2010

the kids.. a hurt too deep.

I rarely talk about my children's hurt.
it goes too deep.

But today,
I was taken back!
I went to have blood drawn!
3 1/2 years ago,
I sat in this same Dr's office
and the SAME lab tech drew my blood.
But there was a BIG difference!
on that day,
my 3 children were with me.
they were 4,6 and 9.
Their lives had just been shattered
and I had always told my children
that this was not a secret!
This was not their fault
and this was theirs to share!
and share they did!

They announced it in church..
(before I did..oops!)
They told the cashier at wal-mart,
the waitress,
the stranger who asked about their day!
they shared their hearts!!
They needed to!

This day,
as this man drew my blood..
they told him
that their mom and dad were getting a divorce!
They told him;
"my dad does not know how to love my mom."
"he married her too young."
"he had to leave her".
I smiled at them as they spoke,
as my heart wept tears of blood!
Their words were arrows
to my soul,
but I knew they must speak it!
I knew they would be free if they released the words
they held inside!

The poor man.
He did not know what to say!
He looked at me with pity!
I felt like a cast off piece of clothing,
the discarded one..
my shame exposed to this stranger!

But, my children..
their words broke from their mouths
releasing the hurt that held their hearts captive!
I knew then,
I know now,
that I have made many mistakes!
BUT, giving their words wings to fly..
released some of the hurt,
and helped some of the healing!

I would do it again,
stand vulnerable in front of the cashier,
shamed in front of the lab tech,
exposed in front of the waitress...
because it was a gift I gave to them!
and in this gift,
in moments I gave my very soul.....


  1. I made a fool's agreement with my ex that I would agree to his story that it was a mutual decision, even though he was the one who fell out of love. I wish I had not. I'd much rather have people look at me with pity than with barely-concealed accusation.

  2. wow! I am always amazed at the perspective brought to me by blog friends!! While I wish my ex had shared more about the 'ending' I am grateful that he told the kids the truth , that it was him who did not love me! It was never about blame for either one. In fact the kids feel great compassion for him and his hurt, as do I! But, as you say, I never held the guilt that a 'mutual' choice can bring!! Thanks for sharing that!!!

  3. You are such a good mommy. We all make mistakes, but just KNOW that, no matter what mistakes you make in life. You are such a good mommy!! xo

  4. Thank you Diane! NOT always....! BUT, at least I see the moments that I am glad of the choices I make..those get me through the moments I wish I had handled differently!!

  5. This is an inspiring piece. Seriously inspiring. it brought goose bumps to my arms, a chill down my spine, and tears to my eyes! You are an incredible mother!


  6. Debbie, you write beautifully. Yes, you are an incredible mother and a wonderful role model to other single moms. -Pippi

  7. What a refreshing approach you took ... you are very brave.

  8. You are such a gifted writer, and from the looks of it, just a phenomenal MOM!! God bless...

  9. What a wonderful gift you gave to your children. I applaud you for knowing!

  10. I think that you allowing this is awesome and will allow your children to be healthy and happy! Good for you

  11. Beautiful as usual Debbie. What a profoundly important post. The children need the truth in terms they understand and kudos to their father for taking responsibility!

    You are amazing!


  12. p.s. left you something on my blog. check it out!

  13. You and your kids are very brave

  14. "my dad does not know how to love my mom."
    "he married her too young."
    "he had to leave her".

    These are not the words of small children...they are more likely words they overheard YOU (or dad) saying. I wonder what the words of their own hearts would have been? Probably a lot different, and a lot sadder.

  15. To be so wise, so selfless as a mom is so amazing. As a counselor, I will vouch that you did a wonderful thing letting your kids have their voice and not diminishing it. So many think divorce is only about the parents. As long as we still love the kids then there should be no hurt for them. This couldn't be further from the truth and clearly your good momma instincts told you so! On that note here is a little Sunshine for you over at my blog - just to let you know how much I enjoy reading! http://rirealmom.wordpress.com/2010/02/23/put-a-little-sunshine-in-your-day/

  16. Thank you all for the kind words. I am not all that! really! I parent by instinct and sometimes that works and sometimes I know its not working and I get help or resources! This was an area I just knew needed to be done differently!! I let my kids live as I do.. OUT LOUD! It was not as much wise as the right choice by accident! I have learned more looking back then I knew when I was in it.. Your words , however, mean alot . So thank you all!
    anonymous- I do beg to differ with you!!) these words were theirs. they were the explanation they were given! They were the words that explained their circumstances...they were the words of their hearts! BUT there were others! Those words hurt too much to repeat..those words were sobs and cries of mourning..those words can still be heard in the quite of my soul..they expressed those too! and in moments still do. A heart contains the words that express and explain our circumstances and the words that express and explain our emotions..! little hearts, many feelings!