Tuesday, March 9, 2010

an unavoidable good bye..

some good byes we choose,
some we have to face because some one else chooses..
and some happen..
and there is nothing we can do.

I am facing what many woman my age
have faced..
the goodbye
to the babies..
goodbye to being the' mommy of young-uns'
that I so loved being.

Its odd that this loss is hitting me now,
I love the age my children are.
BUT I will admit
I am FLOORED that in 2 months
I will be a mother of a teenager.
where was I?

And the thing is??
I never missed a moment..
I regret little of their early years..
and yet,
its flying by!
and I am faced with the reality
that I will not have more.
I am not sure I want more,
I am pretty busy as a single mom of 3,
but I know that I am sad
that I won't have more.
odd..I know..

I teach preschoolers,
and daily
I am reminded of the sweetness
of those little hugs and kisses,
and I see the toys
that I know my kids are so beyond...
and I realise its time to say goodbye
to that little hope
I held,
that maybe one day
I would hold a baby once again.
I think this is a woman thing....
I think its a 'I will be 40 in 3 years' thing..
but, its still a sad thing.

When I look at my life,
and I know I would not change it..
and yet, I also know
that I miss the days
of pushing swings at the park,
and sticky kisses,
and naked little tushes....
I miss the baby curls,and baby teeth, and baby coos..
I miss knowing that I could hold my child
and protect them from the world outside my arms...

I watch them grow...
and my heart is now unprotected,
they carry me with them
in a scary world,
I am beside them as they grow,
no longer do I hold them through the storm;
instead I hold their hand..
and they hold my heart!
and I think above all..
I am saying good bye to the simplicity...
the simple kisses that fixed the boo-boos.
knowing that the hurts to come
will not be fixed with a band aid..

So emotionaly draining, this whole growing up thing...
and I mean ME,
not them!


  1. Until the joy of grandparenting....the day it hit me that this would happen eventually was the day I was able to let go of the sadness about not having babies and enjoy the interim. You have a ways to go but the way time flies...enjoy...before you know it!


  2. This was one of the sweetest posts ever!!!

  3. I so understand...and know just what you mean... sigh.

  4. The way you write is lovely. I don't have kids but I feel the same about my niece, she is still only seven but I cannot for the life of me remember where those seven years went...

  5. It is sad when you realize how time has flown. My son, no longer a baby or even a teen...now has teens of his own!! How did that happen. I even miss when the grands were babies. Now I have to wait for great grands! Sigh!

  6. I have a 2 year old that you can borrow. I think she would help you be gratefull that those times are over! :)

  7. I can relate- it goes so very quickly.

  8. Oh I so know what you are going through! And then when they start leaving the nest.....

  9. I will be the mom of a middle schooler next September. I can't believe it.

  10. Breeze- Grandkids! Wow..theres a thought!!:) It will be here before we know it..

    Juliana- thanks:)!

    sarah- yes *sigh*:)

    Eternally distracted- thank you for the nice compliment. I think that other childrens lives pass EVEN faster then our own kids..

    Slommer- great grands..what a great reminder that there is more to come.

    Danielle- LOL! I felt that way! And now I teach 8 2 year olds all day..and yet still miss those days! Life is odd!!:)

    jack-too quickly!

    susie- thx!

    mama has spoken- oh..can't even imagine!!

    The pipster- I get this!!

  11. I'm having the same feelings... again. Like you when my son was becoming a teenager (much too quickly) and this summer he will be 19! All too soon he will no longer be a teenager. I enjoy his growth (physically, mentally & emotionally) but I am already missing my "little" boy. :)

  12. What a wonderful post :) I am starting to have that same feeling going through my head as my son starts kindergarten soon

  13. I want to laugh at you so hard for soon becoming the parent of a teen, since we were all teens once, but then I remember I have 4 at home and I will be there sometime too. So instead of laughing I am telling you to go lock yourself in your closet

  14. Debbie,

    This is such a beautiful post. What a wonderful Mother and teacher you are. You write so well and from your heart. Have a wonderful week-end!

  15. Diana- Its amazing how fast it goes...

    Ian- first year Kindergarten, next year high school:)...!! thats how it feels..

    This daddy- yes laugh away...you will have 4 teenagers! YIKES! hee hee!

    VKT- thankyou!! Hope you have a wonderful weekend too...

  16. It floored me, too. And then floored me again when my second became a teen. And it will no doubt floor me in a year and a half when the first one goes off to college. It's unending.