I facilitate a class called divorce care
at the church I attend.
This is a video led class,
I am just there to keep the conversation going,
and keep it kind!:)
last night the topic was new relationships..
there was a quiz of sorts!
It basically touched on the key points
to know when you are ready to move on.
There were many aspects but a few really stood out,
-dwelling more in the present then the past.
this struck me.
JUST yesterday an hour before the class,
my son was in a play.
My daughters and I went..
and his dad met us there.
We watched the play..
said our hi's and good byes..
went our happy ways,
as as I read this last night
on the paper in front of me,
I was able to reflect and realise
that I had felt NOTHING
just moments earlier!
Its just what it is now...
moments together do not lead me to wonder
what it should be instead.
Not sure when it happened,
just know that it did.
-taken ownership of the past
This only happened for me a few months ago.
This was the moment I realised that I had
a part in the heart ache between us.
owning it, understanding it and asking forgiveness
from the man who broke my heart...
truly released me!
This step was huge.
then the last one that REALLY spoke to me was;
-not looking for someone to rescue you.
I was here!!
I thought that this was the answer...
I went down that road.
BUT, no more!
Now I don't want to be rescued!
I don't want to be saved!
I just want to be loved...
no white knight..
just a man with all his flaws,
accepting me with all mine.
and that was the thought that I ended on...
I am not sure when I might meet someone..
or if I ever will.
But, I am not looking for companionship,
I am quite comfortable alone.
I am not looking for a provider,
I am sinking and swimming on my own terms.
I am not looking for a father for my kids,
they have one.
I am not looking for anything.....
I am waiting for the one
who just wants to be.
And is OK that I just want to be too.
And if by chance we are better together,
then we are apart..
then maybe we are meant to see where that goes.