Thursday, February 11, 2010

it really does

after all the heartache
and all the hurt...
When you divorce with children
there is still a connection through the kids!
IF you can nurture that,
EVEN though you WILL disagree...
there are moments it will SO matter!

My ex and I had a moment that mattered today!

My 7th grade son..
who is a straight A student,
never in trouble..
quiet to a fault..
was pushed too far by bullies on the bus!
HIS response (non-physical) resulted in the bully
punching him several times in the face!
He got off the bus with a swollen face,
tears of anger running from his eyes,
his sisters were hysterical.
and all he could say was;
they insulted my family! I can't let anyone do that!
I, needless to say,
was ready to run after the bus and drag each child off
and interrogate them myself!!
I was livid!
a pacifist in every area EXCEPT when it comes to my kids!!
My son took responsibility for his part!
He owned his reaction!
and understood the response!
I am a mom..I could just hold him while we both cried!

The guilt of my life overwhelming me..
I have to put him on that bus
so I can go to work..
it kills me in this moment!!
it grieves my soul to watch him hurt!!

I called his dad!
Who came immediately!
and together we sat with our child.
We encouraged him, supported him and talked through the lessons.
We each brought an aspect that was vital.
I brought the soft..he brought the needed..
and my son was surrounded by support!
We are not sure how this will play out!
Will he pay a price for his reaction?
we do not know!
BUT what he does know is that his parents are on his side..
We will stand by him as he faces the consequences,
we shall walk beside him no matter what comes..

we gave up on our fight for each other..
but we shall never give up on our fight for him!

This was a moment that it mattered...


  1. The poor little guy! Children are such bullies sometimes. At least the little guy stood up and spoke. That takes far more courage than punching someone in the face.

    It is terrible when something like this happens to your child. I understand the anguish that you AND your ex will be feeling. Sadly, this is part of growing up and I'm sure from his reaction your son has proved to you that he has resolve. He will be ok I'm sure.
    You will I guess want to report this to school, You may even want to report it to the Police, it is after all, assault.


  2. so sorry to hear about your son's day! Bullies are the worst to deal with but hopefully you will be able to have things resolved tomorrow at school. My sons all agreed, the best time of their school career was when they no longer had to ride the bus to school thanks to getting rides from other and when the time came, driving themselves.

  3. steve- my sons dad will be going to the school first thing in the morning! I have already called the school, so they should be expecting one of us!:) the principal is AWESOME! And I am expecting him to deal with this fairly! While Tristan did not FIGHT, he did react and there was interaction before the fight! I am not sure what the school will say! Whether they will both face some consequences or not! My son has such a good record and this bullying has been an ongoing issue. I really hope they take that into consideration!!

    Mamma has spoken- I am PRAYING this is the last year my kids have to ride the bus! I think they have heard more 'bad words' and inappropriate jokes, not to mention had to deal with some really mean kids! its very sad!!!!

  4. Debbie, my heart aches for you and your son. I am glad that you and his father could come together as a family unit to give him this support. Hugs! -P

  5. That would be so hard. I would be heart broken. You did the right thing.

  6. thanks Pipster and Danielle- I think the first experience like this is always the hardest! So hard to know what they need!!

  7. I am sorry to hear about this. My son was bullied last summer. It took great restraint on my part not to take the other kid out to the woodshed.

  8. I admire you for being able to work together with your ex. I was never successful with that.

  9. Jack- I know!! I struggle! And yet i know that me jumping on the bus and giving them all a good talking too:) will not make it easier for him!! I want to call the parents and then realize sometimes that does not good either!*sigh*! its hard watching your kids hurt and knowing its part of life and all you can do it love them through it!!

  10. miss Fanny- not everyone has a situation like ours! He hurt me..but we care about each other and I was able to understand that I had to let go for the kids! In our case we are good to each other more often then not! we also disagree more often then not..:) but it does not count all that much! its only when it really counts and we still disagree that things get hard! We are lucky..I feel for woman and men who are at odds all the time!! I know that must make a sad situation that much harder! i count my blessings....

  11. What an amazing moment. I would be roaring mad too. What a child you have there!!!

    So wonderful to hear about the amazing continued co-parenting you and your ex do.

  12. It is so nice to hear that you and your ex are mature and put your sons needs first. He sounds like a good kid, I hope he won't be bullied anymore.

  13. I love the way you wrote this! Such a terrible day for your son, in regards to the confrontation, but such a great day for him to realize that no matter what, his mom and dad love him, and stand by him...together.
    Thanks for sharing!

  14. I understand being torn between child and job - both are 'must attend', you handled that well.. What matters most is that your CHILD KNOWs you are always there for them.


  15. Sorry that happened to your son. It is good that you and the ex can come together and work as a team still on important issues.

  16. OMG Deb, this is TERRIBLE! And so beautiful. And so sad. Gosh, I am going to call you right now.

  17. Hi, Debbie--saw you on Tchn4th's blog and thought I'd hop over for a look ;). What a wonderful post. It's so great when exes can put their differences aside for moments like these. I'm sure it's not easy--my brother-in-law just went through a difficult divorce a couple of years ago and one of the toughest things was making the relationship with his ex work for the sake of their daughters--but it sounds like you guys are doing a fantastic job. Blessings,

  18. Lori-thanks for stopping by! and for the encouragement! it is not easy..but it has been worth it!!