I am starting to observe people around me..
after living fairly happily
in a bubble for most of my life;
its like a whole NEW realization
to see people and watch their choices,
and to begin to understand the reasons behind them.
It seems that some people will avoid
being alone at all costs.
I get this..
I did this..
I lived at home until my wedding at 18...
Then whenever hubby was away,
I pined and missed him.
I did not sleep..
I felt incomplete..
half a person.
I moved back 'home' with my kids..
until my wedding at 33.
When I fled my 'hell'
at the age of 34,
I had NEVER been alone.
I had NEVER lived alone.
and I had NEVER imagined being OK with it!
the thing is,
if I had not learned such a hard lesson
by rebounding so fast,
if I had not set a goal of a year before dating,
if I had not been so wounded that I knew I needed to heal...
I would have looked for company!
I was lonely!
It was hard to always be alone..
But at some point I passed that place,
its like a hunger pain..
if you wait through it
you will forget you were hungry!
Once you have waited past that point,
loneliness becomes different.
your being alone is a state you do not fear.
So even if you wish for company,
your very being does not hinge on it.
BUT, I believe,that you have to be alone,
to reach a place where loneliness does not dictate your direction.
This is a lesson I have learned the hard way!
This is a lesson I had to stay the course to learn...
Sure, sometimes I feel alone.
Sure, sometimes I desire and look forward to true companionship...
BUT, lonely is no longer my state of being,
and being alone is a place I do not mind to be....
BUT, I never would have known that if I had not been lonely
long enough to be OK alone!