Friday, February 26, 2010

It takes a lesson to learn a lesson..

I am starting to observe people around me..
after living fairly happily
in a bubble for most of my life;
its like a whole NEW realization
to see people and watch their choices,
and to begin to understand the reasons behind them.

It seems that some people will avoid
being alone at all costs.

I get this..
I did this..
I lived at home until my wedding at 18...
Then whenever hubby was away,
I pined and missed him.
I did not sleep..
I felt incomplete..
half a person.
Hubby left,
I moved back 'home' with my kids..
until my wedding at 33.
When I fled my 'hell'
at the age of 34,
I had NEVER been alone.
I had NEVER lived alone.
and I had NEVER imagined being OK with it!

the thing is,
if I had not learned such a hard lesson
by rebounding so fast,
if I had not set a goal of a year before dating,
if I had not been so wounded that I knew I needed to heal...
I would have looked for company!
I was lonely!
It was hard to always be alone..

But at some point I passed that place,
its like a hunger pain..
if you wait through it
you will forget you were hungry!

Once you have waited past that point,
loneliness becomes different.
your being alone is a state you do not fear.
So even if you wish for company,
your very being does not hinge on it.

BUT, I believe,that you have to be alone,
to reach a place where loneliness does not dictate your direction.

This is a lesson I have learned the hard way!
This is a lesson I had to stay the course to learn...

Sure, sometimes I feel alone.
Sure, sometimes I desire and look forward to true companionship...

BUT, lonely is no longer my state of being,
and being alone is a place I do not mind to be....

BUT, I never would have known that if I had not been lonely
long enough to be OK alone!


  1. This is a really great post. I know I don't know you offline, or even that well online (I'm relatively new to your blog), but judging by your writing you seem to have grown a lot as a person. And while it doesn't sound like things have always been easy for you, you definitely seem to be a lot wiser for the challenges life throws your way.

  2. Wow! What a journey and what insight you have. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. Thanks for finding me :)

  3. This really is a great post! SO TRUE!! I was the same way. I was scared to be alone at night, scared to be single, scared to think.. I think that if I would have been alone with my thoughts, I wouldn't have liked what I had to say. I was scared, nieve, and in a bad place in my life. The best lessons I learned were laying in bed-pregnant-and living alone. Sometimes you have to be silent in order to hear what we are supposed to hear! :)

  4. Wow...that was a really powerful post. Unfortunately know some women who are married (and have been for a long time) that stay out of the fear of being lonely too. I learned how to be alone and it has helped in my relationships. Again, a really amazing and powerful post.


  5. This is a beautiful post and very well written.
    I find that you can feel really alone in a crowd but really at peace when alone. Strange that, isn't it? All depends on how you feel.

    I enjoyed your Sunday Roast over at my brother Eddie's place and can relate to much of what you said, Well done. I think you are doing a good job bringing up three children on your own.

    Nuts in May

  6. Hi. Saw you at the Roast. Would like to say I enjoyed it and thank you.

    Take care. You have such a wonderful family.

  7. Congrats on your Roast with Eddie!! Great interview...I just had to come and meet you! Glad I did!

  8. I've never lived by myself either. I didn't leave my parent's house until I got married. Hubby was in the hospital for a month once and it was weird not having him at home. Though now, if he is going to be gone for the week-end or night, I get kinda happy knowing I'll have the bed to myself. But then I still look forward to when he comes back. Weird, I know...

  9. I married right out of college, and ended up divorced with 2 boys after 12 years. I was single for 4 years, and reached the point where I thought I would stay single. I loved my single life! Then I met my current husband--that was 27 years ago. We've been married for 26 years, and sometimes I miss my single life--the not having to be responsible to another individual--but it's been a good marriage, and I guess it's going to "stick." lol

  10. But at some point I passed that place,
    its like a hunger pain..
    if you wait through it
    you will forget you were hungry!

    Very poignant and very true. And isn't it also nice to realize that being alone and being lonely are two mutually exclusive thing? They can co-exist, but don't have to. I'm proud of you Debbie. There is a lot of wisdom in these hard earned truths.

  11. Sam- It really has been a journey that has brought alot of growth! hated going through it and would not change it for the world!

    menopausal new mom- I did not comment yet but your blog about followers was AWESOME! thanks for stopping by!

    Brittany-powerful comment! thanks!

    Holly-I agree! people can stay for all the wrong fears! Thanks for stopping by!

    Maggie may- Thank you! its nice to see you here!:) I enjoyed your roast too!

    ocean girl-thanks so much!!

    Mamma has spoken- I get that! I do!! I would have preferred never to have to learn to be alone!:)

    slommler- thanks for stopping by! and following:)!!

    Eva Gallant-Your is a story that provided hope! Thankyou!

    Alix-so true ' mutually exclusive', I like that!

  12. Wow, you are really on quite a cathartic journey here, I'm really proud of you! When I went through my divorce, I thought I was going to die from loneliness. Now, even though I'm remarried and cherish my time with my husband, I also greatly enjoy being alone as well!

    You're doing great work here, good for you!! Cheers!

  13. Wow. You know this is a really good argument for living a lone for a bit as a young adult before you marry. But even so, I found being alone again after 20 years of marriage a little disorienting. I'm glad I've re-learned that I'm okay alone.

  14. It really is true that the things we learn the best in life we learn from the hardest things.

    Sounds like you are doing well now. I enjoyed your writing and wanted to say that you have a really beautiful family. You are blessed with them and with strength to learn and to grow.

    Good luck on your journey!