Wednesday, February 24, 2010

ownership versus ignorance

as I have blogged..
three years ago I made a BIG mistake.
it is a mistake that carries with it
on going consequences.

I have come to understand now
that there are so many worse
scenarios in a relationship,
then a broken heart.

I have come to understand
that a broken heart
heals faster
then a broken spirit.

I now know
that there are men (and woman)
who say what they know you want to hear.
there are men who hurt because they can.

my first husband hurt me
but because I was incidental in the process..
he hurt me because there was no other way
in his mind.
I will forever like him as a person.
I will forever believe in his 'good'.
my second husband hurt me because,
hurting me was the only way to break me...
hurting me was the quickest way to bend me..
and hurting me and breaking me
was the only way to possess me.

I have learned that love and obsession
do not co-exist.
I have learned that fear and love cannot reside in the same
heart.

I have learned that some people are just
bad!!!

and now that I know that?
I own that!
if I repeat the past,
it is not for lack of knowledge..
and I cannot feel surprised or taken aback.
once you know, you cannot go back to ignorance.

how many of us do?
how many try to turn back the clock?
or pretend that what we heard was not what was meant?
and what damage do we do to our souls,
when we ignore the truth
to live in the lie..
that for a moment makes us happy..

what devastation do we spread..
and sorrow do we reap..
when we are given the gift of truth,
and we discard it for the deception.


Lord have mercy on those who do not see...
and take the blinders off my heart
so that I never live out of the light of truth again.

14 comments:

  1. This is brilliant and deeply profound Debbie! I think a person's true nature is always visible if you listen to your heart and your instincts. And I think desperation to fulfill society's expectations that a woman be partnered to be happy and whole feeds into that so that we lose track. I am in a relationship with a man of honour and I know it to be true but a lesser man wouldn't have deserved me.

    And a lesser man doesn't deserve you.

    Breeze

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  2. Wow, this is a very thoughtful, cathartic post. It's so well written, too. It appears to me that you are really finding some closure here. If that's true, then, Yay, YOU!!

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  3. You? Brilliant. 'Nuff said. XO

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  4. My broken spirit is still mending. My heart is whole.

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  5. The deception is so seductive, though, isn't it? It seems like accepting truth is something I have to learn over and over.

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  6. breeze-what an amazing thing to say about the man you love ' a man of honour'.

    anything that fits a naked man- I believe I really am finding closure!:)

    Diane- all I can think is.... I know you are..but what am I??? :)

    The pipster-from your heart to mine...

    secret agent woman-what a very true statement!!!

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  7. yes seek the truth and live it. it makes one happier. Blessings

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  8. You are a strong, and beautiful writer. Thank you for visiting my blog, I am honored. You are a truley gifted writer, and I can. not. wait. to read more of your posts!

    You are right! We have much in common! :)

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  9. Your words are so beautiful and so true, and spoken with such elegance.

    Great post!

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  10. mamma has spoken- thank you!:)

    Gaia- it does make one happier!! blessings back my friend!:)

    Brittany- thankyou for your kind words. I was excited to find your blog..it was like reading my own heart.

    Kelley- thank you for commenting!!

    Candace- Thank you..that means a lot!

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  11. Hey I know this relates to an earlier post you did, but I was thinking about the problem your son had on the bus. Has everything worked out with that? I hope so. You write very nice post, shows that you are a good person. I like reading meaningful post since mine are usually goofy and silly

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  12. hey This Daddy- thanks for asking! It all worked out. Principal came down hard on the boys involved, driver was replaced and things have been much smoother since!!:) Thankyou BTW you are very kind!

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