Saturday, February 6, 2010

the moment you know...

being home sick in bed..
I have lots of TV viewing time!

Last night I watched an interview
with the wife of the governor of South Carolina!
He cheated with a woman in Argentina,
and she shared her heart break!

She said something that STRUCK me!
On their wedding day,
her husband had refused to say the part
about promising to be faithful.
They had written it out of his vows.
she talked about it bothering her..
and yet they talked through it!

We ALWAYS know!
there is always a moment
when we are given the truth
and we choose to face it
or 'talk through it'.

My first marriage
two moments come to mind!
We met at 17!
My first love...
I was head over heals....
I would spend my day ignoring school work
and writing love notes!
On day my LOVE wrote a note to me!
I will never forget the moment!
I was reading it
as we were together,
he was outside of the car..
pumping gas!
here was that he wrote
"it is so nice to have someone who loves me as much as I love them..
maybe even more!"
This was 20 years ago..
and I STILL remember my heart beat quickening..
my palms sweating..
my stomach knotting! UH-OH!
he thinks I love him more,
that can't be good!
I know we 'talked it out'
and I heard what I needed to hear!
BUT I knew in that moment!
He was giving me his truth..
I pretended it was something else...

Then a year later on our honeymoon.
I had hearts coming out of my ears!
I had married the Only person I had ever loved..
I could not be happier!
as we talked and cuddled he said;
" I want you to know you will always have my heart!
Even if I ever cheated..thats just s*x..thats not my heart!
please know that!"
Ok..I said!
hearing the heart part because I needed to!
focusing on that;
even as the lump in my throat,
and the knot in my stomach..
and the sweat on my palms spoke to a different truth!
a truth of a man not sure!
a truth of a man who was not able to commit to me..
a truth of a man who wanted to love me the way I needed,
but was sharing that he could not!

Those were the moments I knew!
the moments I held truth in my hand..
and instead spoke lies to my heart!
Because I could not deal!! teach my daughters;
that truth faced now hurts so much less the truth faced later...
and my son;
that truth owned now will hurt so much less the truth owned later...

what moments are we ignoring for the moments that are easier to take?


  1. Wow. That same happened to me. My husband wanted to leave out the part about forsaking all others, and he said it just seemed silly to base your commitment on that. He said he thought it was more romantic and committed to be together and love one another, but not to "own" one another... something like that. Anyway, anyone who reads my blog knows what happened from there. Six months later, he was already cheating. So, yes, you sometimes see it coming as clear as anything, and (in my case) you ignore it because you don't *want* to see it.....

  2. Funny how we ignore the signs in hopes that things will be great. But how in the world do you ignore the fact that he won't say the vow to be faithful???

  3. C- glad you came to visit!!
    mamma has spoken- I think its ignored because whats the alternative?? often facing it means its we hang on hoping it will just right itself! it rarely does...:)(

  4. Sometimes men do say what they mean, huh!

  5. Hey sorry to spoil your party Debbie! My ex wife cheated on ME! I guess it isn't just a man thing eh? You females are evil too :)

    PS you are so cute the way that you use an asterix instead of saying sex! hehe

  6. HEY!!! Steve- did I say it was a man thing???? BUT I bet you saw something? a moment when you knew but did not want to?? trust me- I think all humans fall!! male and female! and some are just toxic together!! as for the asterix thing...I know I am lame!! can't help it!!!:)

  7. Yes. To face the truth, to accept it, and more importantly, to decide to do what we know is best but will hurt the most, unfortunately that is a combination that most of us cannot take all at once. We deal with it now, or we deal with it later.

  8. Ah yes very true, I think it's just because we just want to believe that the person we love. We want to believe they wouldn't do anything to hurt us. That's why we are more willing to believe the web of deception people spin sometimes. It just takes us a little while for the truth to sink in and for us to get the strength to approach the problem, male or female.

  9. Liss-the irony is sometimes they spin webs of deceit and sometimes they speak truth that we do not hear! I experienced both..the first in my first marriage was truth I did not face and in my second BRIEF marriage deception that I finally ran from! As you say when the truth sinks in either way we can finally deal with the hand we have been dealt!

  10. Yeah Debbie I saw several things, I was young naive and was determined to make it work when in reality I should have left her years before.

    I was only joking earlier by the way! Just keeping all you man haters in check! hehe
    *runs away quickly*

  11. WOW! I can relate...I ignored all the signs with my first husband as well. After the divorce I kept thinking, "How can I teach my daughter NOT to ignore the signs like I did." I have come to the conclusion that everyone puts too much emphasis on the feeling of love. I have loved many boys, but that doesnt mean that they were suitable for marriage. A lot of people get married because they are "in love" this is the wrong reason to get married. Of course you should be in love with the person but the descion of marrigae should be a practical one too.

  12. I made a vow to myself that I would not ever again be in a relationship where I was giving more and caring more than the other person.