I have been missing in action a teeny bit..
a little tired,
a little busy...
I have a new...
Actually, an old hobby
that I have finally quit ignoring!
My issue with exercise
is actually quite a deep one!
I have always enjoyed working out,
at least since my early twenties!
and while I had 3 kids,
and there was that pregnancy weight thing..
and the new baby stage,
I have always been thin for the most part!
about 5 years ago,
I began to get a little comfortable however!
and began to look at my eating,
and my lack of exercise due to 3 small kids,
and I made some changes!
I gave up meat completely,
I started working out.
I began juicing and I felt GREAT!
Then the bottom fell out of my world
when my husband left!
for weeks at a time I ate nothing!
I was not just thin, I was scary!...
then, after the divorce..
I took up running!
(a good thing!)
I loved it..surprisingly!
I had taken on a challenge and turned this awful thing,
into something good!
I was on my way to being me,..
I met the man I would go onto marry!
Who within months of meeting
told me he wanted me to work out more,
loose some weight ( I was a size 2 at best!)
and eat differently!
When I said no,
he shared how disappointed he was in me..
and people pleaser, co-dependent, vulnerable and unhealed woman that I was,
I said OK!
and so I did all he said..
for the time I was with him!
I hated it!
I wanted to run not lift weights...
not his style,
I wanted to be a vegetarian ...
not his style,
I wanted to be accepted for me..
not his style either!
The day I left him I was a size 0!
I was bony..and not healthy!
and I was sad to the very depths of my soul!
First thing I did was give up meat again..
and I gave up exercise too!
I rebelled COMPLETELY!!
I was so tired of being told what to do and eat
that I ate what I wanted and when..
and NOW over a year later..and after some 20 HEALTHY pounds gained..
and about 5 or so pounds of NOT so healthy gains..
I am ready to take back up a hobby I enjoy!
and this time
its for me!!
thats when I knew I was ready!
There is no one in my life
who cares what I look like in a bathing suit!
There is no one to impress!
There is just me!
and I want to be healthy
and get back into shape...
and enjoy the time I take each day for me..
and so 2 days in..
hurting in every muscle,
tired to my core..
I own this!
The results, in the end, are ALL mine!