Tuesday, February 2, 2010

OK..I will admit it...

I have been missing in action a teeny bit..
a little tired,
a little busy...
I have a new...
Actually, an old hobby
that I have finally quit ignoring!

My issue with exercise
is actually quite a deep one!
I have always enjoyed working out,
at least since my early twenties!
and while I had 3 kids,
and there was that pregnancy weight thing..
and the new baby stage,
I have always been thin for the most part!

about 5 years ago,
I began to get a little comfortable however!
and began to look at my eating,
and my lack of exercise due to 3 small kids,
and I made some changes!
I gave up meat completely,
I started working out.
I began juicing and I felt GREAT!

Then the bottom fell out of my world
when my husband left!
for weeks at a time I ate nothing!
I was not just thin, I was scary!...

then, after the divorce..
I took up running!
(a good thing!)
I loved it..surprisingly!
I had taken on a challenge and turned this awful thing,
into something good!
I was on my way to being me,..

and then...
I met the man I would go onto marry!
Who within months of meeting
told me he wanted me to work out more,
loose some weight ( I was a size 2 at best!)
and eat differently!
When I said no,
he shared how disappointed he was in me..
and people pleaser, co-dependent, vulnerable and unhealed woman that I was,
I said OK!
and so I did all he said..
for the time I was with him!
I hated it!
I wanted to run not lift weights...
not his style,
I wanted to be a vegetarian ...
not his style,
I wanted to be accepted for me..
not his style either!
The day I left him I was a size 0!
I was bony..and not healthy!
and I was sad to the very depths of my soul!

First thing I did was give up meat again..
and I gave up exercise too!
I rebelled COMPLETELY!!
I was so tired of being told what to do and eat
that I ate what I wanted and when..
and NOW over a year later..and after some 20 HEALTHY pounds gained..
and about 5 or so pounds of NOT so healthy gains..
I am ready to take back up a hobby I enjoy!
and this time
its for me!!
thats when I knew I was ready!
There is no one in my life
who cares what I look like in a bathing suit!
There is no one to impress!
There is just me!
and I want to be healthy
and get back into shape...
and enjoy the time I take each day for me..

and so 2 days in..
hurting in every muscle,
tired to my core..
I own this!
The results, in the end, are ALL mine!


  1. WOW, I totally admire you... Can you please send over some motivation for exercise though?!! ;0)

  2. Good job! Glad you are able to get back into it! As a PE teacher, I am sure you can figure out that exercise is a big part of my life.

  3. I love the line, "I own this!" very impowering

  4. Debbi, I can relate to your story but mine was further back in time. Glad you are licking it now instead of later in life like me. :>)

  5. Good for you. Question? What is juicing? Because in the body building world it means doing steroids. I know that is not the case hear, so just wondering.

  6. OMGosh danielle..I am SOOOO clueless! NO, juicing is just that! putting fruits and veggies through a juicer and drinking them at their freshest and in the most nutritious and beneficial way for your body!! thanks for clarifying that!!!!!!

  7. When I was first separated, I did the same thing - started dropping weight through pure sorrow and when I hit 93 I got scared. I always feel best when I'm doing a lot of walking and eating healthy, so I'm trying not to let winter stop me.

    (And, in my opinion, guys who are that controlling and judgmental are abusive. Good for you for recognizing a bad thing and saving yourself.)