when you start to think..
you may no longer hate with a passion..
the idea of meeting someone..
where do you start?
do you wait and see what happens in life?
do you ask your friends who they know?
do you update your facebook status
to not just single BUT available?
But, I think about all this..
because as I come closer
to being more 'available'
and less closed off...
I know that life is just not that simple!
I don't go to bars,
or even out to non-bars that much!
I don't attend singles events..
I don't meet people in my daily life..
-I meet 2 year olds..:)-
and in truth I am SO not in a rush!
I just wonder..
what does this look like now?
The disastrous attempt I made after my first divorce
did not count..
it was truly disastrous!
but, I have NEVER really dated!
I met hubby one at 17..
I met hubby 2 four months after divorce from hubby 1,
after a series (OK 4!LOL) of 'one time' dates..
no-one seemed right!
so, just this process seems daunting!
I think I fear the process more then the result!
and I just wonder..
just turn it over here and there in my mind..
then I wonder..
what does that even look like as a single mom of three kids??
I don't plan on my kids knowing men I date,
and I am limited in free time..
is that even fair??
that's all I am doing right now..
I set a goal NO DATES for a year..
that has become 15 months..
and I am sure will stretch longer!
I think its good that now when I wonder..
it does not make me sick to my stomach..
or give me the chills...
or make me want to take a shower!
(YES for a while it seemed like a REALLY bad idea..)
so, the fact that I wonder,
and still feel OK..
and can actually discuss it out loud,
that's a good step, right?
so now we see...
what does this look like?
what will it look like?
what should it look like?
I am FINALLY a LITTLE excited to find out!