Tuesday, February 9, 2010

so I wonder...

when you start to think..
you may no longer hate with a passion..
the idea of meeting someone..

where do you start?

do you wait and see what happens in life?
do you ask your friends who they know?
do you update your facebook status
to not just single BUT available?
ok,.probably not!!:)

But, I think about all this..
because as I come closer
to being more 'available'
and less closed off...
I know that life is just not that simple!

I don't go to bars,
or even out to non-bars that much!
I don't attend singles events..
I don't meet people in my daily life..
-I meet 2 year olds..:)-
and in truth I am SO not in a rush!

I just wonder..
what does this look like now?
The disastrous attempt I made after my first divorce
did not count..
it was truly disastrous!
but, I have NEVER really dated!
I met hubby one at 17..
I met hubby 2 four months after divorce from hubby 1,
after a series (OK 4!LOL) of 'one time' dates..
no-one seemed right!
so, just this process seems daunting!

I think I fear the process more then the result!
and I just wonder..
just turn it over here and there in my mind..

then I wonder..
what does that even look like as a single mom of three kids??
I don't plan on my kids knowing men I date,
and I am limited in free time..
is that even fair??
I wonder..

that's all I am doing right now..
I set a goal NO DATES for a year..
that has become 15 months..
and I am sure will stretch longer!

I think its good that now when I wonder..
it does not make me sick to my stomach..
or give me the chills...
or make me want to take a shower!
(YES for a while it seemed like a REALLY bad idea..)

so, the fact that I wonder,
and still feel OK..
and open..
and can actually discuss it out loud,
that's a good step, right?

so now we see...
what does this look like?
what will it look like?
what should it look like?
I am FINALLY a LITTLE excited to find out!


  1. I'm in a similar position - I meet no one at work, I have no interest in getting picked up at a bar, and I find singles events kind of depressing. That pretty much leaves on-line dating. And there are a LOT of players out there. But I've also met some neat guys and had some fun dates. I don't parade men through my kids lives, though - they only met two, both of who I was involved with for at least a year.

  2. I can so relate..HOWEVER remember the 4 dates and the man I ran away from after a HORRIBLE marraige?..well, I met him on line! IT has scared me off! NOW I KNOW there are some success stories! BUT, mine was the anti-success story! *SIGH* ...lets hope my friends know some one who knows some one who knows...well! you get the point!!:)

  3. Hi Debbie, missed you. I have not been logging on for a week past... so much reading to catch up on. As for this post, men is not on my agenda. I seem to have lost faith in them. heehee. Though I do want love,I want someone whom I could communicate with when I am scared , tired, confused, happy all these and more. I have no one to share it with but my son. But that is a different kind of love!

    I hate the process of dating and I wish God would drop someone on my lap who can get under my skin... someone who knows me inside and out and love the real me. It's just a dream.

    As for your earlier post, I've got a movie to recommend, its Nights in Rodanthe with my favourite Diane Lane and Richard Gere. Love was short lived but it was the most beautiful thing in her life. Catch it if you have not seen it before. Bless you dear.

  4. Gaia- I have been where you have been..still not sure how far past it I am! The idea and the reality have still not met!! I LOVE Diane Lane! Will rent the movie! Thanks! p.s. Glad you are back!

  5. You can't change your facebook status to "available" that is almost like Walmart advertising "50% sale this weekend" :)

    I met my gardener online, he's rubbish, always missing the weeds in the rockeries and never cutting the grass short enough. - lol, I'm teasing, no really. I don't think the method of introduction has any bearing on the success of a relationship. You may have just as easily met him at your Church or out shopping or you may have reversed your car into his or vice versa. None of those chance meetings would have changed the course that the relationship took would it?
    Gaia - nice to see you back!

  6. Steve- you have managed to completely confuse me!!!:) I am assuming you are saying one way is not better then another way to meet someone!
    and yes..I do sort of see the drawbacks in posting available on Facebook! could be fun for laughs!!:) OK..not really...!!
    OH and why WAL-MART..why not Talbots or Cache or someone CLASSY not CHEAP?? hmmm??? ;)

  7. Debbie,
    I'm British, The only two USA stores that I know of are Walmart and Bloomingdales! If I'd have said Harvey Nichols you'd have been puzzled wouldn't you?
    But in essence yes, that is exactly what I'm saying, You've decided almost that meeting online is bad based on your last relationship. You could however say "oh, I was wearing a green dress that day that I met him so I wont wear green again" or I was drinking Latte, I wont drink that again" you get my point?

  8. ahhh! well that makes sense! (not the Harvey Nichols part ;p) ..its true and yet still!! I was SOOOOO fooled! so taken, so naive...someone you meet that no-one can vouch for scares me! Maybe I will blog about that...?

  9. Interesting concept. Someone that no one can vouch for. If you aren't careful though then you'd end up inter breeding like the Royal family. Doesn't do much for the intelligence quota. You need to spread the genes apart! :)

  10. LOL!!! I THINK you know what I mean...someone who can say, yes this person is who they say they are. Yes, I know this persons character...you know? I guess I am looking for a fool proof way not to get hurt again!!:)

  11. I think you've done the right thing waiting as long as you have. So many women jump right into a new relationship, many times involving the kids before they should.

    I think in the end it usually ends up complicating things.

    It will happen when you are ready, and all of the unknown questions will all of the sudden be answered.

  12. Debbie thank you for this post. I meant to mention that the picture you have below of your family is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

  13. Candice- I agree that time was a HUGE help in healing..what you said makes so much sense..when you are ready your questions will not be questions any more!!!

    Just be real- thanks for the compliment on the picture!I love my kids!:)

  14. I love it. I love this post. Now that you're ready, who knows what will happen! Hold on!

  15. Married at 19, divorced at 34... My dating experience is nil to none. I don't really know how to do it...

    Which is a cause for a lot of anxiety. :)

  16. T- holding on!!!:)

    Travis- wow..similar time lines, I married at 18 divorced at 33..married again at 34 (oops!!!!:) !) and was divorced again at 35!! NOT a lot of dating happening there! ha ha!!:) so I will follow you..and maybe learn as you do?