If I was with anyone right now,
having a conversation
I would describe myself
as being 'at a loss for words'.
But, for no reason!
I have almost hit a wall today-
that has rendered me pensive,
I think the 3 months of wondering,
would I find work..
The 3 months of worrying
how I would get the kids to and from school..
the last week of knowing I had a job,
but 2 weeks of no childcare for my kids..
the chores that must be done
and may not be gotten too again until next summer,
the back to school shopping and school supplies,
the back to work preparations...
the appointments to be made,
the appointments that were made
and now must be kept...
the emotions of my kids as they face a new school.
the fears I have of the same at work.
the pressure of it all
has just left me
or even thoughts!
A blank space where worry used to be..
a void that peace will soon fill.
and through it all
the continued journey alone,
the wondering why
still.. almost 2 years gone by
no-one to even begin to consider sharing the journey with..
still.. facing the new and the old,
with just my heart and faith to be my guide.
for this moment...
my thoughts have ceased to progress beyond the present!
my words have lost their form!
Until a renewed energy hits..
and the reality settles in,
and I once again remember..
I have done this before,
I will do this again!
and it is OK!