Friday, August 13, 2010

Single mom with a pet peeve

I admit it..
I love that I get a weekend every few weeks alone.
I am one of the lucky single moms..
I know that too!
When other single moms,
point that out..
I get it!
I understand it!
I feel for those who never get the moments
to refresh.
Who carry the burden alone!

I must also admit..
that when I mention to others
I am going to a movie alone,
or maybe the mall..
or gardening as the kids are gone;
and the response is
"I am jealous"
"lucky you"
"must be nice"..
I must be honest,
in my head..
I think;
well yes, I have a weekend alone!
and all I had to do to get it?
was to have my heart broken completely in two,
my family ripped to shreds,
my dignity stepped on,
and my self worth put on the chopping block.
I enjoy my time
because the alternative
is sitting in an empty home,
going to bed alone...
after a day of not eating dinner with someone I love,
and not telling the man in my heart about my day!
I guess lucky is relative,
if lucky is sharing your children
with another..
and watching the heart that once belonged to you..
get given away to someone else.
A small price I guess,
for a few weekends and evenings a month alone.
yes, its nice.
As the other days it just me..
no-one else to help with homework,
no-one else to run to the store on their way home,
no-one else to have a 'talk' with the unruly child,
no-one else.

I am really not bitter!
I love my life!
I have embraced what is!
I enjoy the time I have alone,
but relish the time I share with my children!
I am learning to share my alone time with others,
and create the friendships that sustain me
when I feel lonely.

BUT, in truth?
I would trade it!
I would trade my weekends alone..
my evening during the week..
I would trade my movies
and books
and gardening
and facebook time..
To have married a man from the start;
who loved me and desired me!
Who wanted a family
with me..
I would trade all of 'me'
to have all I hoped for my kids..
I would trade my 'now'
to have what I hoped was then!
I would sacrifice the 'free' time
if I could 'sacrifice' the heart ache!

maybe I wish others knew..
or understood..
that was looks so footloose and fancy free
to those with family commitments EVERY weekend,
came at a very high price
and no matter how many movies
and girls nights out
I don't think the debt, in my heart,
will ever be paid,
completely off...


  1. There is nothing "lucky" about getting a little time when you are a single parent. It's a tough road.

  2. Wow- I'm glad to have read this, to see it from another perspective. I have never thought about what single parents have lost. It looks like you are doing an amazing job with those 3 kids of yours! Keep your head up mama!

  3. I love "me" I am sure you do. Some are fortunate to have both alone and couple time but it is what it is and I don't think I would change anything about my life as I am too busy living it as I am sure you are. It just may come to pass that you will be blessed with meeting the real deal, until then hold your head high and always answer them in a positive way by saying yes I am lucky, I am healthy, I have 3 beautiful, healthy children, a good job and wonderful friends and family.....and end with saying "life is good".....:-) Hugs

  4. As I read your post, I couldn't help but think that I know exactly what you feel. It doesn't bring me joy that I understand your sentiment, because becoming a single mother has been the most painful experience.

  5. I don't think I've had that kind of response yet, but it'll surely come. I feel the SAME way you do. That time alone is nice, never had it before. But I would trade it in an instant to have a complete family, which I never did have anyway. I would not trade it, however, for what I had. He was never around or helpful. Not ONCE did he stop at the store to pick up something on the way home from "work". He didn't even work. So, in that respect, I am MUCH better off now. He is forced to at least have the responsibility of our daughter every other weekend and one night per week. If that's all I get, it's more than I had when married! Actually, I miss my little girl terribly when she's gone a whole weekend!!! No one should be jealous of this life!!!

  6. You have put into words, so very eloquently, what I could not. I was reading this and thinking EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY...YES YES YES!!!!!

    Excellent post! With your permission, I'd love to share this with others.

  7. of course, you have my permission! I write my heart because I know I am not alone..and sometimes it gives others freedom to feel without justifying what they think! it is what it is...:)!!!

  8. Love the way you broke this side of the story down. So true and real.

  9. So honest and true!! Beautifully written and I can feel your ache...deep inside...waiting.
    I pray your wait be fruitful!

  10. I have felt that emptiness. Even when I was married I felt alone... raising my kids alone. And when the divorce was final, It took me a long time to realize that I had been going it all alone. However, that did not change the fact that I felt REALLY alone when they were gone.
    On the flip side, it was nice at times to have a break. But by Sunday nights, I was ready for the reunion.

    Then I lost the weekends all together when my ex moved out of state. No more breaks. That was tough too

  11. I so can relate! I look forward when the kids are with their father, but when it actually happens I hate it. I feel like I work so hard and yet I end up alone on the weekends and holidays. Thank you for posting this!!

  12. So very true Debbie! I love your blogs

  13. I totally see your side of this now, so thanks for pointing that out. I am one of those that say I am jealous when my friends have a day off. I am sorry that is how you came to be a single mom.
    My story is different and I am a single mom full time since the sperm donor walked before she was born. So to me, a weekend or even a night alone is heavenly.

  14. I know what you mean! My married neighbors envy my single life, and I envy their stability. And full-time single parents envy my free time, while I envy the fact they see their kids at every holiday. There are pluses and minuses to every situation.

    Enjoy life!! :-) What movie did you see??

  15. Thanks for all the input! And to those single parents WHO do it alone...all of the time, I take my hat off to you!! I went and saw to come...LOL!!!