I admit it..
I love that I get a weekend every few weeks alone.
I am one of the lucky single moms..
I know that too!
When other single moms,
point that out..
I get it!
I understand it!
I feel for those who never get the moments
Who carry the burden alone!
I must also admit..
that when I mention to others
I am going to a movie alone,
or maybe the mall..
or gardening as the kids are gone;
and the response is
"I am jealous"
"must be nice"..
I must be honest,
in my head..
well yes, I have a weekend alone!
and all I had to do to get it?
was to have my heart broken completely in two,
my family ripped to shreds,
my dignity stepped on,
and my self worth put on the chopping block.
I enjoy my time
because the alternative
is sitting in an empty home,
going to bed alone...
after a day of not eating dinner with someone I love,
and not telling the man in my heart about my day!
I guess lucky is relative,
if lucky is sharing your children
and watching the heart that once belonged to you..
get given away to someone else.
A small price I guess,
for a few weekends and evenings a month alone.
yes, its nice.
As the other days it just me..
no-one else to help with homework,
no-one else to run to the store on their way home,
no-one else to have a 'talk' with the unruly child,
I am really not bitter!
I love my life!
I have embraced what is!
I enjoy the time I have alone,
but relish the time I share with my children!
I am learning to share my alone time with others,
and create the friendships that sustain me
when I feel lonely.
BUT, in truth?
I would trade it!
I would trade my weekends alone..
my evening during the week..
I would trade my movies
and facebook time..
To have married a man from the start;
who loved me and desired me!
Who wanted a family
I would trade all of 'me'
to have all I hoped for my kids..
I would trade my 'now'
to have what I hoped was then!
I would sacrifice the 'free' time
if I could 'sacrifice' the heart ache!
maybe I wish others knew..
that was looks so footloose and fancy free
to those with family commitments EVERY weekend,
came at a very high price
and no matter how many movies
and girls nights out
I don't think the debt, in my heart,
will ever be paid,