So many times someone mentions,
someone they know that left!
and the one they left is saying,
but why? there were no signs?
I have heard others question,
why did they not speak up if they were unhappy?
why just leave??
Having left and been left..
I have come to FINALLY understand!
My take on this is..
I think many people
(my first husband was in this category)
find their life passing them by!
Their spouse is not angry,
their lives not antagonistic..
but it all feels like moving underwater
to the one trapped beneath the layers!
They begin to die inside,
not speaking up..
because they think there is no point!
sometimes they act out
(which there is no justification for)
and sometimes they just keep moving against the current of their hearts..
but for some reason;
maybe a flaw in the foundation,
maybe a flaw in their make up,
maybe a flaw in the matching;
they live a life as a shell and cannot remember whats underneath!
and then they 'wake'..
and they realize they can take this chance,
they can find their center..
and when they break through to the surface the only way up..
and they leave!
and they don't look back!
and to those around,
it makes no sense.
and yet, I wonder
if this type of leaving is not the most final leaving of all??
the leaving to live?
and then there is the leaving that happens
when a person is pushed TOO far!
This is the leaving I did
in my second marriage!
I am not sure which straw broke the camels back;
was in the name calling and cursing at me?
was it the unrealistic demands on my time and ability?
was it the accusations and jealousy?
was it the following me and recording my conversations?
was it the fear I was feeling in my own home?
I am sure it was a combination..
for each person our threshold is different!
BUT, we each have one..
I was told I was useless, incapable and inadequate
countless times..I was followed and recorded
countless times..I was cursed at and at yelled at countless times...
I was threatened and punished countless times..I was unfairly accused countless times....I was demeaned and put down countless times...I was bullied and controlled countless times...
but there is a ONE time too many!
and when that time comes,
that moment arrives
when the person pushing us pushes too far..
its too late!
When we leave and run
Our threshold was reached,
the die was cast!
The leaving is final!
I think there are many types of leaving that happens..
and many hurts in a marriage!
and I hope and believe that many can be worked through!
BUT, I wonder
if these two types of leaving and ending,
are not the ones that tend to be the hardest
to find your way back from!
There are always exceptions..
and these are just my thoughts.....