Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Breathe out..breathe in..move on...

I was so touched by all the great advice
and encouragement yesterday!
I began to realize that
I might just be over thinking this a bit!:)
Yes, I believe part of growing up
is learning and learning again!
I also believe as our children grow,
and our circumstances change,
we have to grow and change with them!

BUT, I see how much I carry on my shoulders!
It amazes me how often women (and maybe men?)
hold ourselves responsible for how it all turns out.

I guess I have have come to understand,
that maybe most of the problem
lies in me..
not them!
Not owning more guilt here:)..
but really...
they are being kids,
and need boundaries!
I don't like the way I react,
or my loss of solution.
so I allow myself to feel overwhelmed.

Like each hurdle we face,
it starts with us!
If my children never change..
and are always good kids with flaws!
(God forbid!!! LOL!!)
then what about me?
do I stay the same!
or do I own my actions and reactions..
and make the change
IN SPITE of the reception!

My son and I wear matching rings..
they say:
be the change you want to see in the world
time to own that!

If I want less ugly tones..
then I need to start with me!
If I want less dragging of heels..
yup..mom comes first!
if I want my children to feel heard..
I will create opportunity's to hear them!
and in return they will learn to hear me!
not just my words..but my heart!

and above all,
I will accept that life is to be lived,
children are to be loved!
and beyond that we choose the moments,
we choose the way we live them..
and we choose the legacy we leave behind!
Life is ours!
we give it away when we worry
about what we cannot control!


  1. I love you so! Living by example is something that is SO important to me. I refuse to be a 'do as I say, not as I do' parent (or person, really). And, so often, I see myself coming back at me through my child... sometimes I like it... sometimes I really don't. And when I really don't, I make changes to my own behavior. Hers often follows. I think you've got it... as well as anyone can 'have it' :) Your kids are SO lucky to have you (and you them, I know). XOXO

  2. I like it!
    Give them an opportunity to be heard and to be people , not just children. They will astound you!

  3. Thanks Steve and Diane.. 2 of my favorite blog friends chiming in first! I love that!!!!
    Diane, I see that too..I see the moments that are ALL me and I like myself more for it and then the moments I SO do not want to claim and look around for someone to blame them on! that must be from their grandmothers side of the family! hee hee!! BUT, the key is owning it right? thats my new theme this year!! OWNING not running!
    Steve- I agree. The last time we had a family meeting we wrote a family covenant and it was such a neat thing!...That was over room rules! (their own space!) time to let them have some ownership in the family 'space!'...

  4. Debbie dear, thanks for your encouragement over at my blog. We are simply growing and learning with the kids yah? We will make mistakes along the way, but I am grateful that blogging allows me to meet mothers and fathers with similar experiences, in order that we can read and learn from each other. Bless you dear and the kids

  5. Beautiful Debbie. Well said...and lived out!

  6. I really like your words! And you are so right about starting with you! I say it all the time to my husband when he complains about my 3yo attitude. Well, how does she see us talk to each other? Do we say please and thank you? Do we whine and moan when we don't get what we want? yep! That's our goal for the new year, to slow down and speak to each other the way we want her to speak to us! Not just for her but for each other as well!

  7. well said- but go easy on yourself.. such is life

  8. I have grown children and then my little Jane. Listening is key. Guiding and allowing different opinions than yours is scary, but for realtiosnships with our grownup to work, we must allow for differences. We practice this as they change and grow up. It will reward!

  9. Wow, what a fabulous, honest blog. I love this kind of writing - straight from the heart...
    I think it's hugely tough and you do what you can and don't beat yourself up when it doesn't quite pan out! Whoever said parenting was easy?
    Communication always the key....just keep talking..
    Huge thanks for your comment on mine. jxx

  10. Well said Debbie. I started, about a year ago, practicing non-interference with my children. I let go of the long run and live for this moment, beyond teaching and leading and keeping them safe I find we have a peaceful existence most of the time and I rarely raise my voice. But I was the one who had to decide to do it. They were already there. That combined with living the virtues has made our home a very peaceful place to be and a lot more fun. They are cooperative members of the family and very helpful most of the time.

    Well said..a chapter for the book :)


  11. Gaia-yes we are in this together!

    Sherri-your post was the perfect action to my reaction! loved it!

    realmom-so agree! it starts with example..and ends there too I guess!:)

    Not a soccer mom- I need you around to remind me to let it go a bit!:)

    Shewrites- it is scary, but I am excited to see the rewards.

    exmoorejane- thankfully talking is my strength! LOL..listening..well, not so much:)! but working on it!

    Breeze! THERE you are!! and yes, maybe a chapter!!:) maybe a whole darn book!! LOL!!!

  12. I love the idea of the rings. And the second-to-last paragraph is exactly right - you have to model it first. So hard!

    I often think that the greatest gift of blogging is the support I get from other bloggers.

  13. I completely agree! I have made friends and received support I never imagined from this forum! LOVE IT!