When you find what you are looking for...

I think it is common
at some point
as a woman..or man..
to begin a search for ourselves;
or start the process of "getting to know who we are"..
But, how do you know when you have reached that destination?
sure, we should keep growing..
but when do we know who we are..
and want we want??

I am sure it is different for each of us..
for me it seems..
that for a year or so...I searched..
and then it seems I found.

I realized I knew;
when being alone was a good thing!
when I began to desire to do things for ME.
When working out or painting my toe nails was appealing..
and NOT because anyone else will know..
or even care!
When I stopped feeling like I was surviving,
and started to look at how to begin living..
when I started to be able to put into words
what I would hope for in a partner,
and what I would not tolerate.
when I accepted my faults!
When I realized that I will never catch up..
and its OK to stop trying,
and live for today.
when I began accept how I live and stopped making excuses!

I procrastinate.
I collect clutter..whether I mean to or not..
I am not great at managing money,
I am almost always late..
and I HATE to read directions.
I don't play Barbies and dress up with my girls
and I never play catch with my son.
I am not 'that' mom..and I accept that!
I yell sometimes and wish I did not.
I get exasperated when my kids fight
and sometimes all I can think of is;
"go to your rooms"...I just don't want to hear it!
I do not always have 'mother of the year moments".
I am not the perfect housekeeper,
or cook,
or car wash detail person:)
or gardener for that matter!
My home will be clean enough,
and tidy enough,...
but if you stopped by unannounced thats on you not me..
and I am OK with that!
In a relationship,
I am strong!
Not demanding,
I don't need to be right,
I don't care about everything or make a big deal about much!
BUT I must be heard and feel accepted and cared for..
I must be part of the whole..
I am strong willed and it will catch those who see me
as 'just sweet'
unaware...
not because its hidden...
but because I don't feel strongly about everything..
I am easy going..until I am not.
I can be an asset and a support,
but I won't be an appendage..just there is case I come in handy!
I don't like sports, or action movies! I just don't!
I can tolerate them and learn about them..
and compromise..
but that's what it will be;
compromise..and there should always be some of that!!!

I knew I knew me when I can see my strengths NOT just my weaknesses.

I am a good mother..not perfect ... but committed.
I am a good teacher...
I love my little charges and can balance
structure with nurture.
I am a good daughter and sister and friend.
I love people and animals
and like to write and speak and help..
I am a big picture person with lots of passion...
I like to live my life and don't get to caught up in the details of how that will
happen...
I like to be spontaneous and try new things..
I have eclectic taste
(some see this as a weakness yet its one of my favorite things about me!)
I love 60s music and Elvis Presley
My deepest hidden regret is that I never joined the peace core.
I love to travel but hate to pack.
I would camp if I did not have to take it all down and put it away after wards.
I smile easily and rarely stay sad or down for very long.
I am perceptive towards hurts in others.
I am earthy and compassionate and earth friendly,
I am not unkind or petty.
I am not all that prissy..if at all..!
I do not hold a grudge,
I forgive easily.
I am not all that funny but I like to have fun..
I like to laugh and can laugh at myself.
I like me!

I finally found me
when I stopped feeling like I was only productive
if I was doing..
and stopped feeling guilty for LIKING to relax on the weekends...
when I stopped trying to BE who I thought I should be
and instead became who I really am...
when all these things came together,
I realized I have found myself..
I have come to know who I am!

I hope to learn more about what that means..
I hope to improve my weaknesses
and continue to grow in my strengths..
I am becoming whole...!
and that is a wonderful feeling...