Thursday, September 23, 2010

alone feels REALLY alone tonight...

2 nights ago
my car was broken into!
The back window was shattered,
some items were stolen.
the alarm alerted me and I ran out...

Took me a few minutes to know what had happened..
it was the middle of the night after all!
The next day,
we found a pair of eye glasses
in the back yard..

all of this happened outside my home!
Yes, right outside,
but outside none the less!

and yet,
now I feel nervous inside my house
a feeling I am not used to!
when I first lived alone
I slept facing the door for months!
BUT, then it was not a stranger
that I expected to see!

Now, all these months and months later,
I find myself checking the locks
and rechecking the locks..
checking and rechecking the alarm..
my heart is beating..
I feel the quickening of my pulse..
because I am alone!
and yet..
I am always alone!
I live alone!

They stole some items...
they broke a window...
but they invaded my safety!
Something I fight for..
something I need!

I know this feeling will pass..
and I know I will be OK!
Adjusting to this side of 'single hood'
is just what it is..
there is no upside to this part!

other then, I guess..
the part where you overcome..
and find your safety once again,
in spite of your circumstances...

until then..
I am just going to go
check the locks again..


  1. I understand how you feel. A year ago this Sept. my ex husband brought a gun to my house. I've slept looking at the door ever since.

    I'm the queen of double checking the locks.

  2. Our home was broken in to and it freaked me for a long time. They stole all of my jewelry! A lot of it was heirlooms too! It made me mad and it took away the sense of security I had. So I know how you are feeling. Your sense of security will return; it just takes time. And checking the locks! Sorry this has happened to you. It sucks!
    Hugging you

  3. I feel the same way too! Since my house was broken into, at night, while we slept, I have a hard time feeling secure in my own home. I will check the locks not only on my doors, but on the cars too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, hearing something and wondering if someone broke into the house again. If I see the light in the garage go on, I'm jumping up to see why. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let this event control me, and I am trying, but some days it's really hard....

  4. I am so sorry. It does feel like a personal violation when this stuff happenss. *Hugs*

  5. Haha I sleep facing the front door too! I still do. I guess I was doing it subconsciously, till now reading your post, I realize I was actually guarding the house like a watching, well being the only able bodied adult in the house. One is too old, my mum, the other too young, my son. I've always yearned to be loved and protected, but now the role is upon me. There is an emptiness, but I have to overcome this self-pity least I cannot move on.

  6. Oh my!!! I'm so sad for you! That's terrible, and that violated feeling is just awful. Praying you find peace again soon!

  7. That is really scary and I understand you when you say you feel as though you are not as safe. It is hard to be the one responsible for the safety of the kids, the house and our own safety.
    i hope that your insurance helps you pay and that you can feel safe again soon.
    I felt this same way when my Identity was stolen.

  8. You're right, there is no upside to having to deal with scary things on your own. It purely bites, and I'm sorry.

  9. I have been there. It is never fun to have to worry about those things.