Sunday, September 12, 2010

What a difference a breath makes

Something in me has changed!
Something small..
yet noticeable...

Slowly I have started to let down my guard!
Slowly I have started to let people in!

I have begun to understand
that these past 2 years,
the walls I built
not only protected me from
they protected me from friends!

As I became aware of this fact-
I began to realize
that this steel cage has served its purpose!
Within its protection,
I began to heal!
Within its walls,
I learned to be alone!
Within its cold embrace,
I learned to survive!
Now- its time to open the door,
even if its just a crack!

Letting down my guard
even just a little-
has had the strangest
OVERALL effect.
strange men approach me now-
I guess the 'do and die' mask if gone!
That's a little different,
and not really welcome
but its proof of this visible release!

The great 'side effect'
is that I am laughing again!
I am opening myself up to my friends-
letting them in!
After 2 years of not knowing
I was shutting them out...
I am actually letting them in!

Last night I went to a quirky little coffee shop
with my girl friends!
The kind of place
that has live music..
and very colorful regulars!

We laughed and giggled..
we were silly
and friendly!
The group around us grew,
and I was OK!
I did not leave-
or turn my back!
I did scoot closer to my friend..
(old habit!)
but, I was OK!

We made plans
for other places..
places with crowds..
places with people..
places that for so long
caused me to hide!
We made plans to enjoy life,
and I was OK with that!

The years of solitude
of fearing the world
may not be over!
But, they are entering their final
My heart is lighter
as the weight of the steel
surrounding my soul-
begins to disintegrate!
One chain at a time...


  1. That is pretty dang awesome. I need to learn to do that more often. I tend to push people out and then they stop asking for me to do things with them because "they know I'll say no".

  2. Me too!!! I push and run..and push and run! My friends have been great but I am sure they did not even know why I canceled and ducked and dived making plans! It takes saying yes..or ask them yourself!!:)

  3. Love it! New follower from friendly friday, would love for you to follow back!

  4. I see you've done a lot of thinking...

  5. Hi, thanks for finding my blog and following - I'm now following back :)
    It seems like you're going through some pretty deep self-discovery. Good for you! I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more,

  6. I am happy to see that you are rounding some corners and lowering some walls. You are strong and the world is now yours. Soon your recovery will be complete. Enjoy your dance. It's what you deserve...

  7. Good for you girl. In time the wall will be a memory too and the light will be able to shine all the way in!